Saturday, December 31, 2005

One hot mama

You're doing all you can
to get in them old jeans
You want that body back
you had at seventeen
Well baby don't get down
don't you worry about a thing
The way you fill 'em out
hey that's alright with me
I don't want the girl you used to be,
and if you ain't noticed,the kids are fast asleep and you're...

One hot mama, You turn me on,
let's turn it up and turn this room into a saunaOne hot mama, whattdya say babe,
you wanna?


I know sometimes you think
that all you really are
Is the woman with the kids
the groceries and the car
And you worry about your hips
and you worry about your age
Meanwhile I'm trying to catch
the breath you take away
And believe me you still do
girl all I see, when I look at you is...

One hot mama, you turn me on
let's turn it up and turn this room into a sauna
One hot mama, whattdya say babe,You wanna?

Chilldaddy's got himself...
One hot mama, you turn me on
let's turn it up and turn this room into a sauna
One hot mama, whattdya say babe, You wanna?

Today is the tenth anniversery of our first date. I wish I knew who performs this song so I could give them proper credit, but it perfectly describes the way I feel about Cindy. It's not the most ramantic song in the world, but it's exactly how I feel about her.

I'm madly in love her.

She feels self-conscious about how she's aging and changing shape, but I don't want a twenty-two year old girl anymore. I want a mature, experienced woman who knows how to treat a man. I want this woman, the woman I married, the woman I have a bunch of screaming kids with. And I don't think anybody who sees this post would disagree that she is just flat-out, drop-dead gorgeous.

I love you Cindy, totally, happy ten years.

Chilldaddy has problems

The other day I started up my van, reached into my pocket to get my keys, and panicked because I couldn’t find them (yes, in that order). Yesterday I locked them in the truck at the mall.
A few weeks ago I was buying a gift at a Christian bookstore. As the clerk was ringing it up, I pulled out my wallet and couldn’t find my bank card. I told him to cancel the sale and was about to walk out.
“Don’t forget your card here on the counter.”
I walk through the house and lose my coffee. I blow past roads I intended to turn on. One time my glasses were found inside the sweat pants I’d been wearing that morning (how they got there is not important, suffice it to say Cindy was the one who suggested I check there.)
I’m a stickler for making sure my wallet, keys, and shoes are always in the exact same place for the simple fact that any deviation in an objects location utterly defeats me. I try to get my wife to do the same thing because she has the same problem, but, unlike me, she loses her natural ‘chill-ness’ very quickly when she can’t find something. A couple days ago she lost a $450 check – in her purse.
So…. Given the fact that we’re too young for alzheimer’s, and I don’t think we’re especially moronic, what is our problem? Anybody else suffering from a similar disease?

Friday, December 23, 2005

Caption contest #3

photo by the Muskegon Chronicle
"Seniors Hide Grins After Denture Bandit Strikes Again at Local Nursing Home." Mom wins

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Note: the best excuse ever for not blogging

Okay, so I haven't updated in two weeks, but in my defense, on the day of December 1, I explained to all of you that I was spending most of free time in outer space with aliens and other imaginary friends.

Guess what?


'Mythicon and the Mind Marauders', book three in the Mythicon series, is now on the shelf, and hopefully, someday soon, in the bookstores.

So back off, I was pursuing my muse.

btw, I'm well into the first chapter of book four, 'Mythicon and the Master's Tournament'.

Monday, December 05, 2005

I married an amazing artist.

She apparently did this on the back of a fax cover sheet while she was on the phone with somebody. I was cleaning and saw the cover sheet and crumpled it up to throw away when I saw the words, "I love Ray" written on the back.

I said, "awwwww...."

Then I saw the artwork.

I said, "A-ha..."

Now, I'm not mocking her, but I really think it's unfair of her to hide her gift from the world, so I'm here to share it. The sketches fall into three categories, flowers, men, and mysterious doodles. You'll want to note the fellow with the small head under the daffodil(?), that's me. Here's a picture of her.

If you clicked that link, then you'll know the real reason I'm doing this. Because I love her too and want everybody to know how lucky I am to have her for a wife.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Toy packaging

It's gone insane. This is a picture of four bolts and four pieces of plastic shipping/mounting thingies that restrained the little three part toy you see in the upper right of the paper.

Fifteen minutes of trying to get at, not to mention turn, these maliciously-tightened little screws and I was ready for a straight jacket. I used to think they did it to prevent people from stealing the toy, then I learned that it was also to keep the toy in it's most appealing and fun-looking position inside it's packaging. After all, who want to buy a Barbie who's doubled over as if she were heaving her guts out?

Now I'm convinced they do it as a cruel prank. If I worked in the factory where they make this toy, I'd be laughing my rear quarters off as I was tightening those screws, thinking about the poor slob trying to liberate it from the packaging as his child stands there, crying, asking "When can I have it, Daddy? What's taking so long?"

So if you buy any children's toys as Christmas presents this year, be considerate. Undo about 85% of the interior packaging before you wrap the toy, their parents will marvel at your thoughtfulness. Nowadays, they spend every post-present-unwrapping moment at birthdays and Christmas trying to get toys out of packages instead of doing what they should be doing, enjoying their child's joy. We don't want to do it again this year.

And for God's sake, if takes batteries, throw some in with it.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

At the depths of Chilldaddy's psyche you'll find... children's stories

Don't you just hate when people don't update their blog and then two weeks later post something like, "Oh I've just been sooo busy, but I have all this 'blogguilt', so I'm updating to let all of you know that I'm really sorry that my life is action-packed and all you pale, lame, cyber junkies don't have anything new to learn about me." (scroll down past the pretty pictures)

I, on the other hand, have a perfectly good excuse, and, it doesn't demean any of you, my wonderful blogging friends. I know you all have lives, probably very good ones, and they're only enriched by your blogging experiences.

I've been spending all of my free time lately with these guys, they are the heroes, villians, and random passersby that populate the artificial worlds of my imagination.

So, yes, instead of writing on my blog, I've been writing in spiral bound notebooks, chronicling the adventures of Starship Mythicon and it's group of misfit stowaways. That's all I'll tell you because it'd really suck if somebody stole my story and published it before me. (It's juvenile science fiction, chapter books) I've been writing them for a couple years, and I'm halfway through the third book. Recently I've been on a hot streak, I've written 150 pages in a little over two weeks - and I've done it all on my breaks at work, waiting in the parking lot for Cindy to get out of work, after the kids go to bed, and when I first get up.

I could do soooo much more if I didn't have that pesky job to go to.

So yeah, like, if any of you are like, publishers or something, could you um, maybe, like, give me some sort of huge cash advance so I can, you know, quit my job and stay home, and like write a novel a month? (I'm not kidding, I could do that easily if I had eight hours a day to write).

Anyhow, if you don't hear from me again for a while, that's where I'll be, cruising the stars in the galactic hub on board the fantastic Starship Mythicon, sipping some sort of alien, non-alcoholic beverage (cuz there's kids around), through a futuristic device that teleports the liquid from the container to my mouth. Ahhhhhh........