- Sand-Dune Two-Step: A Puerto-Rican guy did teach me the two-step, during Desert Storm. We had this goofy way of killing time called 'Club Sand'. You don't want to know anything else.
- Satanic Cult Adventure: I did shoot bottle rockets at devil worshippers. It was the climactic ending to the scariest thing that ever happened to me. I'll tell you personally some time when we have two hours to kill together.
- Rodent Claw: BIG FAT LIE
- Wedged Corpse: An ER tech taught me the trick to getting the corpse centered on the bottom tray. It was hard to lower the dead weight down and not get it all 'caddywhumpus'. So the next time I went to the morgue with a new ER tech, I tried to impress her with my trick and got the guy wedged way in the back, looking at us with dead, but no less disappointed eyes. Her response was, "Ohhh, we're going to hell."
- Three Home Runs: BIG FAT LIE
- Guitar Lightning Strike: I probably phrased this poorly. The guys house got struck by lightning and he got electrocuted. When he came back to school, he was all proud and excited - "It's all about the music, Dude!" He was a spaz.
- Golf-Course Arson: We were lighting sticks and pretending they were cigarettes. A casual toss over someone's shoulder lit the adjoining golf course on fire. All I can say is, I hung with a bad crowd in third grade.
- Patien't Femeral Head Drop: It was an honest mistake - but a terrible one. I got yelled at by that Arabic surgeon way more than any drill-sargeant in the Army ever yelled at me.
- Bono's Brother: BIG FAT LIE
- Burning Shoe: They were 'jumping jacks'. The game was like, my friend would light one and throw it, and I'd try to kick it while it was spinning. This particular one shot straight up into the air when I got close to it, and dropped straight into my open, high-top shoe - as was the style in the mid-eighties. Sixteen year olds are stupid.
Shorty and Bunnyjo tie at three wrong each. It's good to have a family that knows you and loves you, and can see through your tangled web of lies. Wait.... I just recounted. Bunny only got two wrong. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE OUR BIG WINNER! Now I know which sister I have a better chance of lying to.