Saturday, July 29, 2006

Blogiversary

Hello everybody, and welcome to Chilldaddy's first annual 'Blogiversary bash! In honor of today's momentous occasion, we've got lots of fun and surprises in store for you. Scroll down past the impossibly enigmatic photo, and let's get this party STARTED!

Thanks for tuning in. This program is brought to you by Google's Blogger and Folger's coffee. Remember, 'nothing goes with cogging like bloffee!' Let’s begin with a few words from ‘the hand with the plan’ himself, Mr. Chill-Daaaaadeeee!!!!

“Hey guys, how’s it going? Wow, it’s really great to be here. First off, I’d to thank my Mom Veeflower, my sister Bunnyjo who first got me into the business, my other sister Shortensweet, for, um, the servitude I guess, and especially, the love of my life, Trophywife, who’s supported me every step of the way. Thanks to all my fans, and everyone else who contributed to the project over the last year, none of this would have been possible without any of you – you guys rock! Last but not least I’d like to give a shout out to the man upstairs, my Creator-God. It’s been a great year, for real, and looking back over it is kind of a blur, but I get these warm, girl-like feelings in my heart, kinda like what your lady feels when you’re watching a Julia Roberts movie, and you look over and there’s this little teardrop on her cheek. But, it’s all good. I remember when I started this thing, I thought it’d be like a cyberspace talk-show, but then, after like a month, I figured out how gay that was and changed things up, then it really started to take off. At first I was posting stuff that some of the fans felt was like this hostile religious rhetoric, so then I vanilla-fied my topics, and only thought the hostile stuff. Hah! Good times. . . Yeah, the project has always had a sort of an identity-crisis going on. I’ve changed everything along the way, the only thing that stayed the same was my sexy profile picture. I might tinker with things here and there, but I know when not to mess with perfection. The banner, though, I mean, come-on. I’ve never been happy with that. This is where I need y’alls help. Vince, tell ‘em what’s going on.”


Thank-you Chilldaddy. It is a privalege for me to announce the ‘Choose-a-Chill’ Banner contest. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, this is your opportunity to help the helping hand. This is where you to tell the chill what’s cool. You get to fuel the future, by choosing Chilldaddy’s next banner. Simply select your favorite banner from the options above, and cast your vote in the comments section. Once all votes are in, Chilldaddy himself will count them out and change his banner to give his loyal supporters the one they want.*

*void where prohibeted. prices subject to tax, title, and license fees. winners agree to mow Chilldaddy's lawn for six weeks of his choosing

Friday, July 28, 2006

AAAAaaahhhhhhh!!!! FIRE!

There was a good sized fire at the hospital today, and I grabbed an extinguisher and put it out. Seriously. Cindy put out another fire before I did. It just happened and I can still feel the adrenaline rush. Maybe if the whole surgical tech/sci-fi writer things don't work out, I'll join the fire department. What happened was, the fire department came with a machine that blasts a six foot jet of flame over some kind of combustible liquid, and we all learn how to use the extinguishers by putting the fire out. As you can see, I rather enjoyed it. For clarification: the hospital did not catch on fire, only the display thingy in the parking lot.

In other news, I just found out about a Christian sci-fi short story writing contest. There's no cash prize, but I need the publishing credits and this is right up my alley. I'm gonna write a story called 'Mickey Martyr'. He's a children's show host in a futuristic society where the first ammendment has been reinterpreted to protect people's basic freedom from religion. After a religious conversion, he makes a statement on his show that gets him in a lot of trouble. He's ultimately executed by a device that destabilizes molecular cohesion with pencil-thin beams of light that skitter all over your body. It's a relatively slow process, but euphoric, so it is considered humane. The convicts are encouraged to speak as they're melting, because the pleasurable experience always induces a confession, remorse over their crime, and acknowlegement that the punishment is just. It'll probably be short enough to put in a blog post. Maybe a need I third blog to post some of my writings, what do you think?

In other, other news, tomorrow is my one-year blog anniversary: I believe it's called a 'blogiversary'. In honor of it, there will be a special contest (don't cringe, it's not a tag) to determine. . . well, just come back tomorrow and find out.

Peace out.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I resent being obligated to create titles for every single post - let's just call this one 'fubble'.

I'm bored, waiting for my wife to get out of work. I feel like posting but don't have anything interesting on my mind. Should I start a new game of tag? Nah. I'm losing all my blog-friends, better not risk it at this juncture. I could open my heart, and let you feel Chilldaddy's pain, but that's boring. (getting all the rejection letters is starting to wear me down, especially in combination with not getting the job I interviewed for - "we can't make up our minds about who we want to hire, but we're absolutely certain it's not you" - to paraphrase their response) I could get a deck of cards from the gift shop and challenge somebody to rummy, that way when I get home I'll be warmed up and will stand a slightly better chance against my ten-year-old son. He's really gotten hooked on cards since we got back from camp. I didn't bring my writing stuff since I was reading a book which I finished on my lunch break. It was about 'history books' - books that could be written in to create history, whatever you wrote really happened, but you had to have the faith of a child. It was an okay book, but honestly, I don't understand how so much crap gets published, and I languish here, looking into people's bladders. I hope my crap gets published. Anybody know the average age of an author when they publish their first book? I hope I don't have long to wait. You know what I need? I need to get something encouraging in my mailbox. Kainay's letter and agent's rejections are making me feel pretty worthless right about now. Good thing I've got a wife and kids that adore me despite my lack of marketable talent. Maybe I should kill this last hour by going to Wal-mart and buying them all something we don't need with money we don't have.

Sorry if this is depressing and un-Chilldaddy-like. I'll make it up to you by drawing a picture of a snowman with superpowers. I won't name him though - as I've explained before, it's futile to try to come up with original superhero names.

Monday, July 24, 2006

A post that ends with the word 'booger'.

This weekend I mowed my lawn and got turned down for a job I really wanted. bummer.
This weekend I played mini-golf with the guys and went swimming with my kids. cool.
This weekend I updated both of my blogs, of which, this post is one. lame.
This weekend I left a one-word message on my sister's voice-mail. booger.

Friday, July 21, 2006

author's update on the author

I haven't been writing much lately - I'm sort of in a dilemma. I'm thoroughly frustrated with my inability to come up with original super-hero names. Comics have been around for decades and when you search on-line, you find that there are tens of thousands of superheros that have already been published and copywrited. Any halfway cool word that could possibly be a superhero name has already been taken, sometimes multiple times.

So I've pretty much decided to set the project aside and begin working on the second Krimsonspire story. The other day I briefly changed my mind and decided that maybe I would write some more on 'Silverwing' when I got home that evening, (the story's wonderful, the problem is the name thing) when a book on the shelf near the checkout at Wal-mart caught my eye. It was called 'Silverwing' - it's about a young silverwing bat that gets seperated from his herd or whatever.

It's a sign from God.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A message from the keeper of the cooler:

I'm back from my vacation, and one of my first orders of business is to spend some quality time with the illegitemate love-child sired from my scandelous union with the internet - this blog. First, though, I'll need the electrical service reinstated to my home. Last night's fierce lightning storm knocked it out for at least two days. When its turned back on, then I'll post something nice and creamy to fill your blog-hole.

"But wait," you might ask, "how can you be posting this if you don't have any electric at your house?"
"Simple," I would respond, "I'm posting from my workplace."
"So then," you retort, "why don't you fill our blog-holes from your workplace?"
"Because," I reply, "as you and I both very well know, nothing good ever comes out of one's workplace.
You scratch your head. "Oh."
No further discussion seems necessary.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

The best blonde joke of the year

This is gonna kill ya, just kill ya.

Two blondes are riding in a taxi. . .

(dedicated to Shortensweet)