Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Awww, does the widdle baby need his ba-ba?

You know how when you're quitting smoking, it feels like you're swimming through maple syrup most of the time? And those little details just refuse to stick to your consciousness, sliding right off the refridgerator door of your mind as if you were trying to tape your reminders to ice. Emotionally, it feels like you've had a good friend die, or that you've had a particularly cherished limb amputated. You know what I'm saying? Of course you do (because for the purpose of this blog post, we're all quitting together and experiencing the misery simultaneously). Another thing I hate is when you're trying to write and the sentences that sound so good in your head land on the paper with a wet slap like vomit and no amount of pushing them around with a spoon will make them better cuz your sentences just keep getting longer and longer and your grasp of the mechanics of punctuation seem to elude your ever-distracted mind and then your kids want to know what you're doing and you yell at them to spank themselves and go to bed even though they just got home from school but you don't want them to come in and see you letting a sentence turn into such a trainwreck and suddenly you're struck by what a profound impact chemical stimulants have always had on your ability to control your writing muse but that control is now nothing more than a shadow of a ghost of shred of a scrap. And it's all gone.

Quitting smoking is the armpit of... I don't know, something exponentially more foul.

I could have picked a less busy time to do it, but really, the perfect time never comes. And besides, I'm the king of quitting. I do it all the time. I rock at not smoking. But of course, I suck at staying not smoking. So, yeah, I'll probably fail in a week or two. And then around New Year's you'll get to read yet another post about how unpleasant is it to quit.

But do me a favor: pretend like it's the first time you've heard it and respond with appropriate plattitudes and feigned sympathy.

8 Callers:

Anonymous Jamiekins said...

I know how hard it is to quit. I feel your pain. (not really, it was easy for me and everytime I try to smoke I throw up)
ANYWAY - I just wanted to tell you that I had a really awesome time Saturday night, even though you did look gay.
And, um..I might needs some help.

08 November, 2007  
Blogger Chilldaddy said...

Well goodness gracious me, if it ain't our lil Jamikins back from her tropical islands and jet-setting career. How's things in the Kremlin, Jamie?

And ask away - always willing to help, seeing as how you've been like a sister to me.

08 November, 2007  
Anonymous Like a sisterkins said...

Don't get excited, I'm using Mom's computer. Still no powercord for the Jamiekins. :(

09 November, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

IF YOU KEEP QUITTING & GET LESS SUCKY AT NOT STAYING QUIT -- YOU'LL BE MUCH LESS LIKELY TO END UP LIKE YOUR STEP-GRANDFATHER.

THE WOODS HAVE NEVER BEEN THE SAME SINCE.

ALL POWER & PRAISE TO THOSE WHO TRULY TRY TO QUIT.

AS ALWAYS -- I THERE IS ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP, JUST LET ME KNOW.

-- HUBBYMAN

10 November, 2007  
Blogger Chilldaddy said...

Cash helps.

So does alcohol.

And then there are things only Cindy can help me with.

Thanks for the offer though.

10 November, 2007  
Blogger Mary Paddock said...

Rabid non-smoker here. Remember that lung cancer and being a famous writer do not mix. Nor does fatherhood.

You can do it. If you can't--get help---lots of it. Go to the doctor and demand every smoking aid that he's got in his arsenal. Tell him you want to quit and become a religious convert (one of those holier than thou non-smokers).

14 November, 2007  
Blogger Chilldaddy said...

Thanks again, Mary.

'Lung cancer and being a famous writer do not mix.' A very very good point.

14 November, 2007  
Anonymous Jamie said...

Jamiekins here, not sure about the lung cancer part - I've seen authors in interviews that say that they write better when they smoke...but, then again, you'd have to go outside to smoke and take time away from your writing. So I guess it's true...a non smoker writes more.
(Do you buy that line of BS?)

18 November, 2007  

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