ancient dance of the chill

The end of Chilldaddy?

2008-02-11T09:23:00.000-05:00

Say goodbye to this guy.

I'm still chill, and I'm still a daddy, but in order to reflect my recent growth in maturity and sophistication, I am now calling myself, 'The Big Plain V'.

Here is where I update now.

I got nuttin

2008-01-08T00:07:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling pressured to update cuz a all the recent activity ya'll been up at, but I don't got much a whatnot to say. Still here. Still workin. Still writin. At the moment I'm reading blogz, as you can see the little picture a me taken "at the moment".

I'm thinkin a startin up a new blog. One what just has family stuff an writin stuff an regular Ray stuff all mixed together like a fine stew. That ways I kin just have the one blog ta ignore. Ya know? Like normal folk.

Whaddya say? Would y'all come to visit me on a new blog site?

(And speaking of changes, I just gotta say that it amuses me to no end that Ms. Bunnyjo comes back on the scene after almost a year, and the first thing she does is tinker with her blog name. . . Same ol' Bunny. . . Gotta love 'er. . . Looks like I'll have to update my links - again.)

A blog post.

2007-11-14T12:43:00.000-05:00

So here’s something weird that just happened:

I took a break from my writing to wake up and get some fresh air by going for a walk through the woods on the trail around my house. I get into the trees, and I look up, and I’m face-to-face with this deer almost. Ten yards anyway, pretty close. “Oh, hello,” I say. Then when she doesn’t answer, I say, “Wow, I’m surprised you let me get this close.” And she’s just staring at me and I realize that this kind of an abstract thing is happening and I get just a tiny bit creeped-out, so I say, “You know, you should probably run or something,” and so she does.

Whew.

But there’s these other deer in the woods too, and I swear they were kind of circling me as I walked. They stayed about fifty yards away, but they kept moving around and watching me and they wouldn’t run away which would be proper deer behavior. I figure that either they were mustering up the nerve to mug me, or maybe I was close to their nest and they had eggs or something. Anyhow, they never made their move and I got home okay.

Check out my word-count. Betcha can't guess when I got sick and was trying to quit smoking. (hint: I'm still sick and still trying to quit, but I'm getting used to it)

photos of sexy women in locker room

2007-11-10T06:40:00.000-05:00

With a title like that, I'm hoping this will be one of the most-viewed posts in Chilldaddy's history. And if you have just read this first line and are suddenly feeling the initial tingling sensation one gets when it begins to dawn on them that they have been betrayed, lied to, made a fool of - relax. This post does indeed deal with the subject matter of 'sexy women', and equally indeedly, photos of them, which reside in our lockers at the hospital.

This initial photo sets the stage. Three lockers. Andy's, Craig's, and mine. Note that of the three of us, only Craig cares to lock his locker. In my ten-plus years of living in this locker, I have never had a single item stolen, except for a certain personal item that somehow found it's way into Andy's locker. It was in fact, a sexy photo - of my wife. After that, tension escalated. Eyes en-squinted and looked sideways at co-workers. Private detectives were retained. Anonymous tips were made to government agencies. Retaliation was inevitable.

Thus began a history of distrust and unspoken hostility.

The latest development in this mire of unfortunate circumstance began perhaps two weeks ago. A picture of Craig's girlfriend, Kelly (also one of our co-workers... hmmm, better give y'all a quick player roster: Andy B. - surgical tech, Notoya B. - surgical tech and Andy's new wife, Craig - X-ray tech, Kelly - surgical tech and Craig's beloved, Cindy V. - cytology assistant and my beloved). So a picture of Kelly fell out of Craig's locker and he did not notice. I found it, and as a joke, attatched it to the outside of my locker with a note that said: 'Ray's other woman'.

A fierce battle of wits ensued. A ballet of attack and counter-attack, 'tit-for-tat' (another innocent insertion of a word designed to attract internet browsers), 'you-got-chocolate-in-my-peanut-butter', and 'you-got-peanut-butter-in-my-chocolate'. The whole unpleasant drama was recorded on this scrap of paper you can see to the left. The caption evolved, the paper changed lockers, and at one point, the picture of Kelly was replaced with a picture of a dude.

Even now, as I look back over the visual reminders of our epic war, I cannot help but shake my head and wipe my nose to clear the running snot of sadness.

Okay, on to the present day.

Yesterday I arrived at work to find that Andy had taken the drama to whole new level. Hanging on his locker was the following series of pictures.

Somehow he had acquired pictures of me with my wife, and Craig with Kelly, and then spent a considerable amount of time on his computer, cutting, pasting, and trimming, until our handsome and rugged faces were obscured by his weasel-ey visage. (By his own admission, he was supposed to be raking his yard that afternoon, so, you get some idea to what extent pure evil reigns in his heart) The note above the collection of forged photograph's proclaimed them to be: 'all of Andy's women'.

What can I do? How do I top that? I'm just a simple husband and scrub-tech, and I find myself ill-equipped to do battle in a war of this scale. Sure I've referred to myself as a 'creative genius' in the past, but I've sworn only to use my powers for good. Faries, unicorns, frolicking little elves. I cannot face this darkness. I am outgunned.

And so I turn to you.

What should I do?

Here's the pathetic little bit that I've come up with so far. Step-one: under the caption 'All of Andy's women' I wrote 'fantasize about real men'. Step-two: I got my hands on a label-maker.

Andy's locker has a new name.

Step three: well, see for yourself. I thought to myself, 'what man wouldn't be driven into a state of jealous madness at finding a picture of his new wife nestled in close to a dashing pirate?'

But there are two problems. First off, this pirate looks quite gay and not at all dashing, and secondly, I'm just playing copy-cat. I need something better.

Any thoughts?

A halloween party our young wasn't welcome at

2007-11-10T06:18:00.000-05:00

Here we are, Cindy and I, all festive and pirate-y. Cindy was sick and I was not, so Cindy drank nothing but water. I drank everything but water. And so, we had our fun, despite our beverage preferences, and went home happy with our heads full of fond memories. In the lower collage, you can see my baby sister Jamie as 'Dead Anna-Nicole', Barb, a freaky punk chick I went to high school with, and my other sister Laura and her priest. We all thought it was strange that she brought her priest to an 'adult' party, but he was pleasant to talk to and kept his hands where people could see them.

So, there is this video.

I didn't post it because it's exceedingly dark, but I will, if I get, say, five individual comments begging me to. "But Ray, what good possible reason would we have to slip out of the anonymity of the shadows and call attention to ourselves?"

Because, my shy little friends, the title of this video is: "O Brother - Drunk Gay Pirate Karaoke".

'tsallright.

2007-11-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

Awww, does the widdle baby need his ba-ba?

2007-11-07T06:56:00.001-05:00

You know how when you're quitting smoking, it feels like you're swimming through maple syrup most of the time? And those little details just refuse to stick to your consciousness, sliding right off the refridgerator door of your mind as if you were trying to tape your reminders to ice. Emotionally, it feels like you've had a good friend die, or that you've had a particularly cherished limb amputated. You know what I'm saying? Of course you do (because for the purpose of this blog post, we're all quitting together and experiencing the misery simultaneously). Another thing I hate is when you're trying to write and the sentences that sound so good in your head land on the paper with a wet slap like vomit and no amount of pushing them around with a spoon will make them better cuz your sentences just keep getting longer and longer and your grasp of the mechanics of punctuation seem to elude your ever-distracted mind and then your kids want to know what you're doing and you yell at them to spank themselves and go to bed even though they just got home from school but you don't want them to come in and see you letting a sentence turn into such a trainwreck and suddenly you're struck by what a profound impact chemical stimulants have always had on your ability to control your writing muse but that control is now nothing more than a shadow of a ghost of shred of a scrap. And it's all gone.

Quitting smoking is the armpit of... I don't know, something exponentially more foul.

I could have picked a less busy time to do it, but really, the perfect time never comes. And besides, I'm the king of quitting. I do it all the time. I rock at not smoking. But of course, I suck at staying not smoking. So, yeah, I'll probably fail in a week or two. And then around New Year's you'll get to read yet another post about how unpleasant is it to quit.

But do me a favor: pretend like it's the first time you've heard it and respond with appropriate plattitudes and feigned sympathy.

I do other things besides write

2007-11-03T11:40:00.000-04:00

So I was driving my motorized unicycle through this ritzy neighborhood, and this cellphone-shaped spaceship landed and these zebra aliens got out and challenged me to a race. I won, of course, but I sustained no fewer than thirty-one mortal wounds from the rings of fire and my airbag which has a tendancy to cause hangnails when mean-spirited telekinetic spectators set it off unexpectedly. My prize was a romantic weekend getaway with a balding werewolf woman at Micheal Jackson's 'Neverland Ranch'. It was either that, or 'Dollywood' with a three-eyed Roman gladiator but the Chill don't swing that-a-way.

I have absolutely nothing to blog about. Just felt the irrational urge to update.

Speaking of updating, 'Ancient Dance of the Chill' had 310 visitors last month and zero comments. It don't make no nevermind to me, but like most manly men, I'm strangely aroused by statistics. So. Thought I'd share.

National Novel Writing Month

2007-10-14T13:26:00.000-04:00

Okay, if you are cool, and only if your cool, then this challenge is for you - during the month of November, simply write a novel. A complete novel. That's all. 50,000 words, 1600 a day, nothing could be easier.

Unless you're some kind of wuss.

I'm doing it, some other people I know are doing it, and during the time that all us cool people are doing it together, we're gonna meet at fashionable and intellectual places like coffee shops and librarys to talk about the processes of creating literature and do other highbrow stuff like nibble biscotti and snicker at ignorant people. So unless you want to be snickered at, better join us. Cooooome-ooooon...... all the cool kids are doing it. It'll make you look older. I swear.

This year, I'll be writing my eleventh novel, a little story I plan to call 'Gameworld Talonshale'. It'll be the first in a series that takes the popular on-line games of today and turns them into gaming worlds in the distant future. The twist in every book, is that the gameplay, eventually, for different reasons, becomes real. That's right y'all. Kids pretending to be wizards suddenly have to protect themselves with their magicks. Kids pretending to be soldiers suddenly find themselves in the midst of blazing gun-battles. Kids pretending to be writers suddenly find themselves trying to finish an entire novel in a month - it's non-stop nuts.

Soooo, looking forward to it. Looking forward to seeing my nano friends again. Looking forward to reading my own completed eleventh novel, that's for sure. (If you notice: I'm talking about writing my eleventh novel, and in my last post, I talked about finishing my ninth novel. No, I'm not just colossally bad at math {yes I am}, I'm just racing to finish my tenth novel. 'Thundergate Tower'... yeah... two weeks left... I realize that... It's a short novel though... Hundred pages... Well into it... So leave me be... Gotta write.)

CLICK HERE BRAVE WRITER, JOIN THE NANO QUEST

Spryton Wyldes - The Pinecone Wedge

2007-10-12T07:23:00.000-04:00

Finished my ninth novel - the first draft anyway.

Here is a not-well-edited bit from the beginning

It does my old heart good to see so many of you have turned out to hear my tale. So many, by Erin, that perhaps it is too good to be true? Are we playing a little joke on poor Zvano? “Let us go and pretend to listen to the old storyteller, and then when he thinks he has caught us in the magick of his words, we will laugh at him and call him a fool.” No? Is this not the case? Have you truly come to hear the tale of Dobie and his band of misfit heroes? Of the ill-fated 'Pinecone Wedge', formed for the salvation of Spryton Wyldes, ready to do deeds that would ring down throughout history, but betrayed instead, by one of their own number?

Of course you have. Very well then.

Know that this is not a story that has ever been told by the bordermen of Cloverville.

Ah, you laugh. I see that Zvano is not the only one to sneak into the human village to listen to their tales. I find it a wonder that they know anything of the sprytes at all. I find it more so amazing when they actually get one of our tales right, as if they had been sneaking into our festivals and eavesdropping on our storytellers. Could you imagine? Borderman, hundreds of acorns tall, crouching down behind the stone grass to listen to Zvano’s little stories? Don’t look now, we wouldn’t want them to know we’d noticed them, would we?

No, gentle sprytes, if the storytellers from Cloverville were indeed spying on us, they would know that pyxies and bronnies are two kinds of sprytes. Again you laugh, but the borderman think that a pyxie and a spryte are roughly the same animal – its true. I’ve heard them argue this point on many occasions. They’ve never even heard of the other kingdoms; they’re likely to hear ‘grennies’ and ‘ruddies’ and ‘grellings’ and think that we are saying ‘greenies’, ‘reddys’, and ‘graylings’, as if we liked being named by our skin color.

Microfiction

2007-10-03T23:23:00.000-04:00

It's hard to write, but a delight to read. Here is a sample of microfiction that I wrote for an assignment in my writing class. If you like the flavor, stories like this can be found all over the web. If you think you can write this sort of story, then I encourage you. There are lots of contests with admirable cash prizes, but I gotta warn you: It's harder that it at first appears (you have to have tension, character development, and a beginning, middle, and end, all in a ridiculously low word count).

The Crown of Glittering Plastic Gemstones (194 words)

Batman liked her but didn’t realize it. Nor did his two friends in the seat behind him, which was good. He would never be able to live down a crush on a second-grader.

The half-empty bus stopped in front of her trailer-house and she got on with a shy little smile.
Then she saw him and sat three seats away, across the aisle.

Batman moved behind her.

“Nice outfit, Princess. So what kingdom do you rule, ‘Stupid-topia’?”

The girl said nothing, but clutched her backpack and her lunchbox and her plastic scepter all tighter in her lap.

Batman’s friends, a pirate and a ninja, both laughed.

Batman grinned.

He swiped the plastic crown off her head and said, “Hey, lookit me, I’m ‘King Batman’, ‘King of Gotham’.”

The princess jumped up and turned around.

He tried to force the plastic tiara over the brow of his mask, and a third of it snapped off.
When she saw it break, her face cracked.

He let her snatch the two halves back. She dropped into her seat, sobbing.

“Oh well…” his voice was less confident, “I guess you can’t be a princess without a crown.”

His friends laughed.

Rhyme Master Chill

2007-09-19T23:07:00.000-04:00

I won second place in a limerick contest. Yea, go me. So I'm pretty famous now, there must've been like, thirty people at the stage where I gave my reading. I even signed my first autograph (actually a doctor from the audience wanted me to write my limerick down for her, she didn't really even ask for my name - it'll make sense after you watch the video). Other accolades included a huge cash prize of 25 dollars and two free tickets to the Michigan Irish Music Festival last weekend which was incredible and which is also incidentally where I gave my reading at the back stage where people didn't care to go because a really good Celtic-rock band that I would have liked to have heard was playing on the mainstage which you can almost hear in the video when I'm in-between lines of limerick funniness but what would have been a really good prize would have been unlimited free Guiness.

Guiness, as it turns out, is pretty tasty.

Prom

2007-09-03T06:48:00.000-04:00

It was like, totally awesome. Lots of scrunchies, legwarmers, jelly bracelets, skinny ties, and the music was totally rockin. All the babes had big hair, dangly earrings, and blue eye-shadow (my date wore fishnets – yes!), there wasn’t no chaperones and they even had a keg. Principal Skinner woulda totally lost it if he knew. They even had karaoke! (it’s like this new thing where you just like hear the music with no words and you like sing into a microphone so it’s like you’re the real singer…um, it’s cooler than it sounds)

The only thing that woulda made this night better is if my date woulda let me go all the way with her - she thinks she's gonna marry some totally great guy someday so she's 'saving herself'.

Chilldaddy on writing:

2007-08-27T14:11:00.001-04:00

Dawdling, diddling

doodling, giggling

thinking bemused

of thy work.

Oh what a merry

thing it is

to dance round the

chores that I shirk.

I'm having a meltdown

2007-08-18T11:08:00.000-04:00

click on the comments for an explanation - more pics when I reach my goal

More tenth

2007-08-09T23:36:00.000-04:00

Here is the short movie I promised you. I've got some titles that fly by too fast, but there's one towards the beginning I particularly want you to understand. Before getting on the ferry to the island, Cindy had to go to the bathroom, and forty or more people were forced to wait until she came out to the dock. Okay? Okay. Now play it.

Our tenth anniversary

2007-08-09T01:09:00.000-04:00

Just in from a long weekend on Mackinaw Island, and I gotta say, there is nothing like spending three days with a funny, sexy, good-natured, devoted, beautiful woman. We thought it would be kind of romantic to spend our tenth anniversary in the same place we spent our first, and for added kicks, we went to the same, cheesy, old-timey photo place we went to nine years ago. Here are the two pictures, submitted for your perusal and comparison:

First anniversary, 1998.

Tenth anniversary, 2007.

See how much we've matured?

*Coming soon: a short video highlighting our trip, and including some action from the hotel room.

Obesity Sensitivity

2007-07-31T22:29:00.000-04:00

Ever wonder what a surgical technologist does? Well this isn't quite it, but it is part of a training video I made for work. My hospital is now a 'bariatric center of excellence', and for that we're required to have obesity sensitivity training. Management got the idea for a video, some nurses volunteered, I got recruited (I'm also the host/narrator of the rest of the video), and we finally got it done. Here's the introduction they allowed me complete creative independance to make.

Mood and Strategy

2007-07-27T20:33:00.000-04:00

How can I say this without sounding melodramatic? Hmmm.... well let me start out blandly, and build up to melodrama.

These last few months, I've stepped up my efforts to break into print.

The proccess happened something like this: reputable agents were requesting partial manuscripts on almost a regular basis, I'd send them out, and the rejection letter would always find its way to my mailbox. I had suspected it for a long time, but I finally had to admit it - my writing was weak. I'm sure that what was happening was that the storys' concepts from my query letters were interesting them, but once they received my actual writing they were turned off. One of the industry's top agents even said as much; "While you have a fertile imagination and a knack for creating rich worlds, ultimately, the narrative wasn't engaging enough". You'd think that after eight novels and a slew of short stories, the skill would just naturally develop, but it doesn't always work that way. Like with baseball or piano playing or anything else, you can only progress so far without expert guidance - unless of course you're a virtuoso, which I'm not. I could turn out to be a creative genius, but it ain't worth squat if I don't have the skills to get it on paper.

So I decided to learn. Within the last six weeks or so, I bought books on writing, read them over more than once, highlighting the things I'd been unwittingly doing wrong. I started getting into online forums where writers critique each other's works, and learning from the things they were doing wrong. I even posted some of my own work - which felt like showing the kids on the playground my underwear - but I learned even more. I sort of joined local writer's group, I signed up for a writing class in the fall, and I'm continuing to read, and critique, and read other's critiques, and actively, ACTIVELY, learn. I do almost nothing anymore that isn't writing related. And when I am doing other things (like going to my real job) writing is always on my mind.

Most recently, I took a drastic step that is both risky and sad.

I volutarily gave up my prime day-shift position in surgery for the afternoon shift. In essence, this means that I wont see much of my family, but in a way, I've done it to 'get away' from them. This sounds bad, but those of you who know me know that I'm all about family. I've got a fun-loving wife who's fiercely loyal and good and fiercely easy to be married to (and beyond hot), and my four kids are well-behaved, with silly, sometimes zany, sometimes-totally-surreal, character-injected personalities. I like being around them and they seem to like being around me. The purpose behind doing this was to give myself absolute freedom during the day to focus on my writing-related endeavors to the exclusion of just about everything else. It's been a week, and I've gotta say, this just may be the magic we needed. I've been working with 'laser-like intensity' because, in a way, I'm holding my own family for ransom. The only way I'll get to see them again is to force this dream to come true.

And here it is: Cindy and I will be able to quit our jobs and stay home, together, everyday, just me and my best friend in the world. Now I don't need J.K. Rawling-success, or even one percent of her money. What we earn now will be just fine - a little more would be nice. I'll work on my stories and she can be the stay-at-home-mom she's always wanted to be, keeping on top of all the domestic things that right now fill her with so much guilt when neglected. We're gonna exercise together in the mornings, drink coffee together, maybe drive into town for lunch a couple days a week. When the kids come home from school we'll finally be able to focus on them, instead of the afore-mentioned 'domestic-things' we've been trying to cram into every evening of our lives so far. And when they're off school - the whole family's on vacation. Sound good?

Quick aside: I've heard it said many times that desiring a writer's lifestyle is not a sufficient reason to become a writer. Well, duh. Just take it as a given that I LOVE to write. I love the way it feels to flex that creative muscle and weave plots and paint characters and plan surprises and breathe life into things that were merely a white blank a moment before and to become something more exciting than what I am for a little while and then to give it all a brutal twist in the end..... ahhhhhhh.

So, as it stands now, the alternative to success is working all week long without seeing one another, and without having our evening meals as a family, which has always been precious to me. But we firmly believe that dreams require sacrifice. There's also the kind of dream where amazing good fortune unexpectedly drops out of the clear blue sky, but smart people plan, they invest in their dreams. And that's what we're doing. I'm calling it in fact, a 'sacrificial investment in our dreams'.

Perhaps my books are not interesting enough, or written well enough to make that dream come true right now. That's fine. I'll do whatever it takes to make them better - whatever it takes. I refuse to give up. I'll keep writing, and learning, and rewriting, and learning, and stepping up my commitment wherever I see an opportunity. My heart is set in stone and my eyes are firmly on the prize (I told you I'd get melodramatic). I'll lay siege to the publishing industry and camp within its borders, battering at its walls while strengthinging my towers and training my troops at the same time. If my catapult doesn't clear the wall, I'll build a bigger catapult. If the load crumbles harmlessly against the wall, I'll find a bigger and harder rock. If physical weapons continue to have no effect, I'll level the battlefield with my tenacity, my determination, my will. Time is on my side. It can't resist me forever.

My hundreds of rejection letters don't dissuede me. I've never had writer's block, and I've still got notebooks full of cool ideas. I've already proven that I can write a book - I've written eight. I've already proven that I can come up with interesting ideas for those books - agents keep asking for manuscripts. Now all I need to do is balance the last two numbers of the equation: write better... and persevere.

Thoughts on Potter

2007-07-27T20:12:00.000-04:00

I'm baffled.

She's worth 1.5 billion after only seven books, and during the first twenty-four hours after its release, this last book sold like fifty thousand copies every seven minutes. I've read Harry Potter, and I think its good - but not that good. What's going on here? Perhaps magic is real and she's found a way to use it to snare readers.

Don't get me wrong, there are admirable qualities to her writing: great characters, interesting concept, strong plot, etc. But I hardly think its the greatest series of books in all recorded history. I personally prefer Artemis Fowl which is in the same genre, geared towards the same market, and has as many, if not more, literary strengths. Yet you don't see the sum of western civilization biting their nails in anticipation over the next book or movie, or even collecting Artemis Fowl action figures with their happy meals.

Am I jealous? Absolutely. But please don't think I'm whining about my own lack of success. I'm just curious about what it is that has an entire planet eagerly focused on one series of seven books. I realize that she has the promotional power of the entire industry backing her work, but that alone cannot create a successful story. So what does, any thoughts?

I ask because I could use a little of that juju myself.

2007-07-10T12:04:00.000-04:00

True life:

Move over Spiderman, this guy is my new hero.

2007-07-08T09:10:00.000-04:00

A distant future.

A utopian society.

The Age of Entertainment.

The ‘productives’ are the top three percent of mankind best and brightest. It is their honor and privilege to continue to work to support the ‘consumers’ who make up the rest of society. After an artificially enhanced primary education in one’s formative years, they move on to be trained in the ‘entertainment path’ of their choosing.

Many choose lives as role-players.

“It has been a decade since the flames of war were quenched by the might of the High-King Morgraine. Men live side-by-side with survivors of the dwarf and elven kingdoms, and the threats of giants and goblins seem but a distant memory. But now, in the darkest corners of the Talonshale, a new evil stirs. Rumors of fleeting glimpses of savage lizard men are whispered in taverns. Strange attacks are occurring, seemingly at random. Nothing is known of who they are or what they seek, and yet, from the oldest and bloodiest tales of ancient times, their name is re-discovered. They are the ‘Cobran’, and they exist for a single, violent purpose.”

Talonshale is a fully submersible gameworld in a fully tactile, biomatonized environment with revolving, campaign-based quests. Play as your favorite fantasy character*, roaming the breathtaking landscapes of Talonshale to destroy the mysterious object that is awakening the Cobrans. Explore side-quests, upgrade your weapons and armor, acquire treasure and magical items, and gain experience to progress in level. Play ‘lone-wolf’ or with a party of adventurers. Play noble, play heroic, play greedy, or dirty. Any way you play, the future of Talonshale depends on you.

*Some player races require temporary physical alteration. Participation in Talonshale does require neuropathode implantation. Average training camps last six to twelve months, depending on player class. While roleplaying worlds are considered perfectly safe, personal injury waivers are required of all participants. See all accompanying rules and regulations, especially with regards to interfering with willing suspension of disbelief.

A long long time ago....

2007-07-05T10:38:00.000-04:00

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......... snork! Huh? Whoa - must've nodded off there for a month or two.

In all liklihood, nobody checks this blog anymore, but Chilldaddy still has thoughts to share, so here he is. First off, I passed my surg. tech. recertification, so I remain gainfully employed. Trying to get the hospital to reimburse me the five hundred dollars I spent on the test is another matter entirely. Secondly, I'm still writing. In fact, the real writing is mainly what has kept me from the pointless blog writing.

I finished my eighth book , 'Brughs of Elfhame' about a month ago, and at the moment, I'm revising it, sending out querys, and planning my next story. I've had three agents ask for partial manuscripts so far, but like a fool, I sent it first to an agent that insists on three months of exclusivity. I've learned from my friends on WritersNet that it's uncommon and rude for an agent to ask for exclusivity on partials, but this is an outstanding agent, and one I'd want to consider representing me, so I'm letting it ride.

Here's what's next on the horizon of my writing career: re-learning to write. I've discovered that, while I have some basic skill, there are a lot of problems with my narrative style. Everything I've ever written needs to be carefully rewritten, and I don't want to start anything new until I'm armed with better technique. I intend to learn these skills by visiting the reclusive master on a seemingly-deserted, swamp-filled planet and cajoling him into sharing with me the ways of the Force. If that doesn't work, I'll stick with my original plan of reading several recommended books, joining a writer's group, and taking a writing class in the fall.

Meanwhilst, to answer your unspoken questions regarding the two book covers that appear on this post, I'm experimenting with vanity publishing. NO, I'M NOT GIVING UP! These amount to no more than fancy, bound copies that I could print out with my own computer. They're not available to the public, they do not have an ISBN number, and they do not qualify as 'being published' in even the remotest of ways, so there is no danger of having squandored the critical 'first publication' rights. They are simply a cheaper, easier, more-fun way of creating copies for family and friends to proof-read for me. Should you want a personal, permanant copy of your own, I can print them at a cost of twelve dollars including shipping, but they are most definately not for sale.

Guess what? I'm getting a story published.

2007-03-27T21:35:00.000-04:00

All this writing is finally starting to pay off: $25 to be exact. Can't blog any more than this, though, gotta study for my recertification test as a surgical technologist (the job that pays the bills).

update

2007-02-07T21:28:00.000-05:00

Why now? Because I'm writing obviously. What now? Stuff about underground realms joined by magical doors that a young girl has to travel through in a certain order if she ever hopes to escape and save her family from. . . well, you'll all get to read it soon enough. See ya in another month probably.

Oh yeah, the agents seem to be liking 'Song of the Selkie'. Chilldaddy's break is coming - I just know it.

Cindy Singsinchurch

2006-12-29T12:08:00.000-05:00


My lovely wife singing a lovely song

Freaking Andy.

2006-12-13T15:19:00.000-05:00

This may turn out to be one of those things that you had to be there to appreciate, but remember Andy, my co-worker who draws on my name-badge? I've got a new story about him.

One of the surgeons we both work with bought us each a really fancy can of really fancy nuts. I brought mine home yesterday and I've already eaten about half of them, but Andy didn't, and in fact left them in the locker room all day on the bench between our lockers. Every time I saw them, I wanted to find what room he was working in and ask if I could open them, but I didn't see him until almost the end of the day. I told him I've been watching them and waiting for him to open them so I could steal some.

Then when I was leaving for the day, I saw they had a note stuck to them. It said, "Ray, quit staring at my nuts."

Update on nothin

2006-12-10T07:45:00.000-05:00

Haven't blogged cuz nothin's happenin. I'm sort of giving myself a break from writing for the holidays, but I plan to hit it hard again in January. Meanwhile I'm playing a PC game I got early for Christmas, Baldur's GateII: The Shadows of Amn (that's my character Clayven on the left) I've been wanting it for years and since it's too old for stores Cindy told me to go ahead and order it online. When it showed up at my house, I just sort of installed it and got started. By that time, I'd already downloaded cheats and a walkthrough and they were ready and waiting on my hard drive cuz its a freaking hard game.

But oh how I love it.

Spiderman 3 Trailer

2006-11-24T17:03:00.000-05:00

Spiderman 3 Trailer

View on Grouper.com

Add to Blogger Blog

Oh yeah.

Add a video comment to this video

News from the land of MER.

2006-11-14T19:43:00.000-05:00

Here is a little artwork I'm almost considering for a possible draft of the maybe temporary cover. Or not. I'm really close to the end of this book, I'll probably finish it this weekend, and the best part is - it's only taken me a month. Yay me. Can I get a 'whoop-whoop? Here's my problem. Since its national novel writing month (NaNoWriMo - or see my sidebar), I have to decide what to write when I'm done. I know nobody's been actively blogging lately, but I'm gonna try to take a poll anyway. Let me know if you think I should (A) write something new, (B) finish the dormant superhero story, or (C) finish the Krimsonspire trilogy (I've already got a few chapters of the third book written). Each has benefits and drawbacks, but I'll spare you the boring details. Suffice it to say (A) would be ideal but I'm not ready for it, (B) would be a new salable title but superheroes aren't very marketable right now, and (C) would be the easiest, but not salable because it's a sequal (It won't sell unless the first in the series sells - capiche?)

As always, thank-you sweet Trophy Wife for being heroicly supportive and giving me lots of time to write. (but what's up with your inability to choose a snack?)

On a more interesting but less understandable note, rotten buttons crop tomato sneakers after Tuesday has her joke in labor.

I'll dance th' hempen jig yet.

2006-11-05T20:57:00.000-05:00

I wasted most of my precious writing time this weekend researching pirates. You see them in the movies, and you think you know all about them, but then you try to write them and you sound like a complete fool. Well no more. As much as I hate the endless hours (probably 8 over the weekend) clicking and staring and cursing at google for showing you lego toys - and wikipedia for only having little tags for things you'd hoped there'd be pictures and articles of, in the end, its all worth it. Right now my main character is sneaking around on a pirate ship, hiding behind authentic things like the harness cask, anchor capstan, and grog tub. And instead of the first mate, which very few pirate ships had, he'll be caught and tormented by the quartermaster and carpenter. See what a lil' research will do? Anyhoo, my wordcount widget in the sidebar over there should start flying now. After this, all of the research is behind me and it's all action - my speciality. "Clear sailin' t' th' erizon."

Happy Birthday

2006-11-03T05:19:00.000-05:00

Here we are five years ago:

Here we are today:

Wednesday was Cindy’s birthday and I didn’t get a chance to blog this, but I wanted to remind the entire interweb-world how madly in love with her I am. I posted these two pictures so that everyone can see how beautiful she still is – even more stunning than when we first started dating almost eleven years ago. She may not tan anymore and the twin’s pregnancy kind of ravaged her stomach, but she gets even more feminine and graceful every year. There are many things that I love about her that are even more important than her appearance like her maturity, wisdom, honesty, compassion, faithfulness (both in God and to me), and good-natured sense of playfulness. A man couldn’t ask for a better companion, and I’ve said this many times, but when I think of the days when those pesky brats grow up and move out, and we’re alone together for the rest of our lives – I feel the warm excitement of impending bliss, a ‘happily ever after’ just over the horizon, the quintessential ‘peaceful, easy feeling’.

As of this last year or so, here are my top three things that Cindy does that I love:

(1.) Doesn’t nag me to quit smoking because she believes that I will quit when I’m ready.
(2.) Supports my dream of becoming a full-time novelist by giving me lots of time to write.
(3.) I can’t really discuss three, but she knows what it is.

The mother of all tags

2006-10-28T06:39:00.000-04:00

Listen up Superdad, Yoobee, Roo, Hubbyman, Dcver, Cream, LisaLou, Virtual Junk Drawer, Shortensweet, and especially Bunnyjo and Veeflower. You’ve never been tagged like this before. Each of you should consider yourselves to be officially challenged to… are you ready for this?… write an entire novel in the month of November. That’s ‘write’. November is National Novel Writing Month, and I’ve just discovered this cool online community dedicated to it. 50,000 people successfully did it last year and I know you can too. I’ve written them fairly easily in two months before, in between all the other things my life is full of, and I plan to be in on this with you (although I’m going to disqualify myself because I’ve just started a book and therefore have an unfair head start).

Don’t laugh and dismiss this tag. I know you all have ideas for stories you’ve someday wanted to write and now that day has come. In fact, that month has come. You’re book doesn’t have to be long, 50,000 words, 195 pages, or 6-8 pages a day. It doesn’t even have to be good. Their goal is quantity, not quality. They want you to be able to say, “I’ve written a book” come December, and be able to scoff at Stephen King, J.K. Rawling, and Dan Brown. After all, six weeks from now, you’ll be their peer. If you’re still not convinced that you can do it, click this link, or the new one in my sidebar, and read what these people are up to. They’re simply people, like you, who rose to the challenge for fun.

You only have a week to get started. Write down your idea, then go to this site to learn how to plot it. By Wednesday, you’ll be ready to go.

Blockbuster Plot Tips

After November, if you're feeling pretty good about your story, I'll personally help edit it and help you get started down the path to publication (so you can share my pain).

Mer-spiration

2006-10-22T07:12:00.000-04:00

Here is a collection of pictures stolen from all over the web. They are similar to the people and settings of the book I'm outlining right now. And no, it's not about mermaids. It has to do with an old Scottish sea legend. I made this collage and called it 'Mer-spiration' because I'm going to try really hard to convey the shadowy, murky beauty of their environment.

A literary announcement that you're probably not interested in.

2006-10-21T09:18:00.000-04:00

For those of you who've read Krimsonspire and were interested in reading the second and third book, bad news: I've decided to put it on the back burner. Legend of Dragonsire is done except for some editing, and Guantlets of Bagabog is a couple chapters underway, but I've just had a wonderfully original and marketable story idea for a YA fantasy. Cindy and I discussed it, and we feel like I should write this before I finish the Krimsonspire series. The problem with writing a series of books is, even though I have six completed, there are only two I can try to sell - the first in each series. So I'll start this third series just to have another iron in the fire.

Bagabog can wait a few months. Even though its nothing like Harry Potter, I've got a feeling that agents are looking at my query letter and setting it aside as soon as they get to part where it describes a young wizard in training. I love writing, but I hate the business.

All I'll say about the new story at this point is that it involves a young mer-girl who falls in love with a human, making her father angry and driving her to the sea-witch to... oops. I'm starting to give too much away.

So let's see... what's new with Chilldaddy? Hmmm...

2006-10-14T23:06:00.000-04:00

Say 'Hi' to Hollowmet over there to the left.

So, yeah, I finished writing my sixth novel tonight. It's called 'The Legend of Dragonsire', and it's the second in my young adult fantasy, 'Wizards of Krimsonspire' series. It of course needs to be edited and printed before it'll be available for any of you to read, but that shouldn't take too long. I think I started writing this over Labor Day weekend, so I'm pretty happy with my speed right now, considering all my responsabilities; fatherly, husbandly, Surgery Technologistly, and Cadet Counselorly. (One couldn't accomplish such a feat without the faithful support of a rock-steady spouse, obviously) It's 195 pages in what, six weeks? I'm so encouraged that I'm gonna start book three as soon as I log off. It's the story I'm really excited about writing, 'The Gauntlets of Bagabog'. About half of it takes place under the sea with mythological creatures I've been researching for months. But enough about the writing. Y'all never seem interested in that biz, which I gotta say, kinda hurts Chilldaddy's widdle feewings.

Gotta leave you with a story. I drove through a tree with my father-in-law's car last night. His low-beams are aimed REALLY low, and I was going down this hill, and there was this car in the far lane, coming down the opposite side of the hill. As soon as I hit the bottom and started to go up, the headlights revealed this huge tree fallen across only my lane, directly in front of me. I wanted to swerve around it, but of course the other car was right there in the other lane, so I hit the brakes, but it was too late. I was right on top of it, and crashed through like a scene from a hollywood car chase. My father-in-laws little compact car swallowed like half of the thing, and when I managed to get over to the shoulder, I spent the next ten minutes jerking compacted branches out from under it. No damage, but very scary. These things happen so fast, and it's always when you're not expecting it.

For posterity, I have to mention that Cindy was behind me in our van and pulled a few branches out herself. Thanks babe. Love ya.

The reapearance of 'oldray'.

2006-10-11T05:08:00.000-04:00

I had to delete the first version of this post because I think it messed up the margins on my template and knocked my sidebar to the bottom. So here it is again. Let's see, what did I say about it? Something about Ratword's 'Rottendad' rising up to the challenge of the last post and aging my photo (and I seriously want that program).

I posted it again, here, on my blog, becuase I wanted to give you all the opportunity to compare the picture with this picture of Cindy's dad -it's pretty amazing, don't you think? Mr. Ratwords must have some sort of psychic, future-seeing superpowers. After staring at it with squinted eyes and tilting my head from side-to-side, I decided that I could handle looking like this -- fifty years from now.

"Man strangles friendly elderly couple who made fatal mistake of bringing grandchild into restaraunt and sitting in smoking section"

2006-10-01T03:55:00.000-04:00

(This photo represents a challenge to the 'Ratwords' man, who seems to like marring otherwise beautiful faces with whatever evil art program he uses. Go ahead Mr. Murdoch - do your worst.)

And now, the actual post:

Because I like symetry, balance, and even numbers, here's another rant to go with my last one. I realize it kind of makes me look like a hypocrite (because I'm starting to sound like a critic) but here it is: children shouldn't be allowed in the smoking areas at restaraunts.

It's got to be some form of child-abuse, wouldn't you think? If I owned a restaruant, I'd have a strict policy against it. Not because I don't like children, but because I do. "Oh, you want to seat your children in the smoking section with you? GET OUT OF HERE YOU LOUSY DIRT BAG BEFORE I LET THE HOSTESS WRESTLE YOU DOWN AND KICK YOUR TEETH IN!"

I don't smoke in my house, and when I take my kids to a restaraunt, I sit in the non-smoking section. So when my wife and I go out to dinner, its a real treat for me to sit at a comfortable table, enjoying a cup of coffee and a smoke after a good meal. (because I don't mind abusing my wife) And then it never fails: someone with a kid gets seated right next to us. I don't care if both of their parents are blowing smoke straight in the child's face, if there's a kid next to me, I can't smoke.

This happened last week on our date, and what made it worse was the fact that this kid was an overindulged squealer, out with his confused and clueless grandparents. The fact that everything plunged the little prince into a rage was so unnerving to his grandmother, that she smoked one cigarrette right after another. "Please honey, don't scream at the restaraunt. Don't throw your silverware at Grandpa. Don't shove things onto the floor to prove how angry you are."

It's like my Mom always said, "It's like your Grandma always said, 'people who smoke have problems'."

Here's the kind of thing that gets Chilldaddy fired up

2006-10-01T03:35:00.000-04:00

I'm not affiliated with any political party, okay, but as a veteran and a Christian, I felt very moved by this story I got in my email. I don't normally do this, in fact, Iusually don't read email forwards, but I'm glad I did this once.

_____________________________________

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avid atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class then he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's troops who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me."

____________________________________________

I doubt that this story is true, but it went and got Chilldaddy excited.

See, I respect people who contribute, even if they're imperfect. What I don't like is the person who stands back observing, but knows exactly what the 'contributer' did wrong. I'm speaking of the least productive members of our culture: the 'critics'. My biggest problem with critics is that they usually tend to be people that have a high opinion of their own intelligence, and a low opinion of just about everything and everybody else. Critics are such whiners. they think they know exactly what to do to fix the world, if only everybody else wasn't too stupid to listen to them. And when it comes right down to it, critics are always busy when somebody needs help. They wish them well, but what they're doing is too important to be set aside for the unwashed commoners. Perhaps if the dullard had a little more mental capacity, they'd understand that.

Grrr... now I need to go yell at my kids until I calm down.

Author's update on the stuff that authors do

2006-10-01T02:29:00.000-04:00

I know this looks crappy, but try to restrain your hurt, disappointed glares and let me explain. I'm halfway through with the sequal to The Runaway Apprentice (I'm calling it 'The Legend of Dragonsire' because that title makes me feel all tingly) and since my main characters are going to be doing a lot of travelling, I decided to make a rough map. 'Rough' as in, 'work in progress' - its a tool that keeps me from making mistakes like saying it took them four days to travel to Gallowhaven, and then in the next chapter it takes them two to travel back. Anyhow, here's the reason I've even brought it up. I'm trying to base this series on Celtic mythology as much as possible and during my research, I happened across a relief map of Ireland. Guess what? If you look at the northwest quarter of the island, there are all these pointy things along the top and the left side. Then there's this bay-like thing along the bottom with a series of waterways that leads roughly to the north. In the center and on the right, flat open land. Quite a coincidence, eh? Of course there's no 'Great Mist Canyon' in Ireland, but I'm not really trying to steal their layout anyway - its entirely too small. I do get this paranoid feeling that the final map that will be printed inside the book cover is going to be somehow altered by my subconscious - dear God, please don't let me plagairize Ireland.

In somewhat related news, now that my second and third Krimsonspire novels are completely plotted, I've allowed myself to watch the Harry Potter movies. Not to offend JK Rawling, but I honestly think I like my own stories better, and that's exciting. I thought Harry woul be so awesome that I'd have to go and delete hundreds of pages of drivel. I did enjoy them though. If I could give Ms. Rawling some advice, I'd suggest that she give her main character more of a personality. Harry's too passive. He's a good kid, don't get me wrong, but the stories are too much about what happens to him, and not enough about his thoughts and reactions to it. He could use a few quirks. Of course, who am I to be giving advice? I'm not even published yet. And when I am, people are going to look at my books on the shelf and think, "Oh great, a series about a young sorcerer's apprentice - that's original." Truthfully, I originally wrote a seven-hundred page story with pretty much the same characters and similar plot roundabout ten years ago. I swear. I'm looking at it on my shelf right now. I mean 'right now' (I can type without looking at the keyboard). That book sucks, though, so lets never mention it again. Anyway, I said all that to say this: I'm relieved to find that there are almost no similarities between my story and the really good one that's sold tens of millions of copies and re-invigorated an entire genre. Isn't that grand?

In other related news, but less relevent than the previous 'somewhat related news', I haven't heard back from any of the contests or the one sainted agent that's so far asked for a complete manuscript. None of the contests get judged until a few months from now, and the agent's asked for up to six months to make her decision. So, I'm planning on warming up this Michigan winter with big stacks of prizemoney and accolades, a few publishing credits and then topping it off by signing a contract with a real live literary agent. And if not this winter, then next summer, and if not next summer, then next winter, and so on and so on cuz I ain't givin up folks. And that's a fact.

Of course, I'm not about to quit my job either.

Regarding my Grandma

2006-09-25T17:14:00.000-04:00

Here's what everybody has to say:

Me

Shortensweet

Bunnyjo

Veeflower - (updated)

Rottendad

Ole Krispy

If you'd rather read something funny, come back another day.

Something happens everyday

2006-09-17T10:21:00.000-04:00

I didn't mention this before, but last week, we got a letter from an agent who's seriously interested in seeing an entire manuscript. She's not incredibly big-time, which is good, but she does have a bunch of clients who've published a bunch of books, mostly romance. That worried me at first, but from her website, I get the feeling that she's trying to expand her agency to other genres, like the lucrative young adult/juvenile market - parents do spend a lot of money on books for their middle-school age kids.

Please extend your hands in blessing, perhaps laying them directly on your computer moniter, and join me in prayer. "Lord God, thank you for this wonderful opportunity and wonderful blessing. I know that many writers go years without getting a letter like this, and the fact that I have within a year of sending stuff out tells me that your hand is truly with me. I pray that this be more than a tease or a taunt, Lord, that it would be ultimately accepted and published. Please Father, let our dreams come true, give us a book contract, and then a writing career that pays enough to support my family, in Jesus name. Amen."

In case you're not sure - that was sincere. So, in unrelated news, sixty farm tractors rolled down the dirt road in front of my house yesterday. It must have been some sort of dangerous tractor gang from a neighboring farm-town, making an intimidating foray into enemy territory - most likely looking for some sucka that disrespected one of them. I don't think they found him - there were no drive-bys reported in our rural mass-media, WFaRM - AM.

Actually, it was a twenty minute string of friendly, big-bellied, gray-haired farmers, waving and smiling at the twins. The whole thing was kind of abstract, but it did make me laugh as I was washing my van - turns out living in the country makes one a hick by proxy.

Bloughts on thogs

2006-09-13T13:44:00.000-04:00

Google has a great link on its main page today, I think those of us whose blogs are languishing need to read it.

How to dissuade yourself from becoming a blogger

If that doesn't do the trick, then try these.

Top ten blogger lies
Top ten reasons why nobody reads your blog

I've often suspected that whenever you find somebody with an outstanding blog they either A: have too much time on their hands, B: are desperately trying to avoid doing something responsable, or C: are some kind of minor celebrity. I think I have the potential of writing a great blog with hundreds of cyber friends, but the fact that I don't is actually a little comforting. Yes, I'm justifying the neglect of 'Chilldaddy's walk-in cooler' by saying I have a life, and its not in cyberspace, its in reality space.

The complete Ray Veen writing library

2006-09-11T21:01:00.000-04:00

This seems to be the only thing that comes up when I Google myself, so if Google brought you here, you're not quite there. Make sense? True seekers of the mystical tripe that dwells within Ray Veen should try clicking this link instead: my current blog.

I wrote these blurbs, I guess, out of vanity, to convince myself that I really am a writer. This is a complete list of every story I've finished that I'm not embarrassed by. It doesn't include things in progress, or projects I've let mellow (like my superhero novel). To tell you the truth, what I'm thinking of doing is linking some of the shorter short stories to my new 'back page' blog because I really want to share them with people, and maybe get more feedback. I also want to have a writer's blog for networking, that other writers and potential agents can look at and maybe give me advice. What do you think? Is this a dumb idea? I'd have clear copyright warnings, as well as that sweet little 'creative commons' license, to protect myself from plagarism, but honestly, I'm more concerned with the welfare of my novels (being a potential novelist and all). For many good and nifty reasons, complete novels wouldn't be posted in blog entries. I mean, come on... hello McFly... duh... anybody in there?... just nod if you can hear me... is there anyone home?

Coupla quick notes: THE NIGHTLING is the first story I ever completed. It's not great, and not well-written, but I've included it here because, well, I suppose... for girly, sentimental reasons. STARSHIP MYTHICON is the first novel I ever finished. DIRGE FOR A CLONE is my best writing (not neccessarily my best story). EPIPHANY OF AN APPRENTICE is a stand-alone short story that is also the introduction to the sequal to THE RUNAWAY APPRENTICE. That book will probably be called THE LEGEND OF DRAGONSIRE. THE PROPAGATION is my favorite story. OMNIPOTANIUM is my mom's favorite story (and probably my best chance at winning a contest). SPECTRE VALLEY is my wife's favorite story - cuz there's mushy love in it. And the last thing I'll mention, ONION WORLDS is weird. Just weird. That's all.

---------------------

Dirge for a Clone: (short story) Everyone can make a difference in this world, even if they only live for one day. A clone is recognized posthumously – on his birthday.

Dool the Troubleshooter: (short story) Small objects are randomly teleporting around inside a starship. As the entire maintenance crew scrambles to solve the crisis, one lowly alien technician makes an interesting discovery.

Epiphany of an Apprentice: (short story) Zakrius goes on a solitary journal through the wilderland to meditate, and discover his true motivation for wanting to use magic.

Mackey Martyr: (short story) Witness the slow, but euphoric execution of a wildly popular children’s character as seen through the eyes of his lawyer.

Omnipotanium: (short story) The most useful domestic technology in history should sell itself, but one door-to-door salesman finds himself taking a dangerous risk to earn his commission.

Onion Worlds: (short story) In a world where biological technology is sacred and mineral-based technology is heresy, one researcher’s project lands him in serious trouble with the authorities. Mind the layers.

Spectre Valley: (novella) A determined elderly woman on a mysterious mission hires a tracker to lead her to the haunted ruins of an evil city.

Starship Mythicon: (novel) Two human pre-teens are abducted by aliens and brought to the galactic hub where a thriving culture of extra-terrestrial races exist. There they make a few friends who help them steal a starship, set course for Earth, and try to escape the evil brain queen who first captured them.

Mythicon and the Psi-Spiders: (novel) While shutting down one of the last of brain queen’s rogue nest-ships, the misfits of Starship Mythicon encounter a dangerous-looking race of telekinetic insects held captive by a human man. During the course of the ensuing adventure, they learn that evil is not always as obvious as it seems.

Mythicon and the Mind Marauders: (novel) While touring an inter-racial space station, experiencing a variety of alien cultures, Cody and Katrina uncover a terrorist plot – or is it the first stage of an inter-dimensional war?

Mythicon and the Master’s Tournament: (novel) After Cody and Katrina help rescue a group of aliens from pirates, the true owners of the Mythicon, a mysterious race known only as ‘the Masters’, resume control of the ship and take them all to a lush, hidden planet. What they’re doing there and why, is something they could have never imagined.

The Nightling: (short story) A suicidal used car salesman meets a frightening creature in his own back yard – the monster claims to be the living embodiment of the spirit of the night.

The Propagation: (novella) Two office workers are yanked off the wave of time as it passes through space, and experience the horror of what lives behind us.

The Runaway Apprentice: (novel) A sorcerer’s apprentice and a homely serving girl run away from their cruel masters, braving the terrible dangers and mystical creatures of the wilderland surrounding their fief.

Thiefquest: (novella) A dragon has died of old age, leaving a vast treasure horde within a mountain, guarded only by a trio of gnomes and their gauntlet of traps. A troupe of lying, backstabbing, thieves and villains scrambles to claim it.

Wot's e sayin?

2006-09-07T05:44:00.000-04:00

These guys are in my newest story. Just thought you'd want to know. Hopefully it'll hold you over until I update, which I'm really gonna do - and soon. Or my name isn't Dill Chaddy.

Has it already been a month?

2006-08-24T09:39:00.000-04:00

I'm still here. I've been working up five short stories for five short story contests and they all have deadlines. I'll stop neglecting my blog responsabilities within the next week or so, when they all get sent out.

Just thought y'all would want to know.

Blogiversary

2006-07-29T11:04:00.000-04:00

Hello everybody, and welcome to Chilldaddy's first annual 'Blogiversary bash! In honor of today's momentous occasion, we've got lots of fun and surprises in store for you. Scroll down past the impossibly enigmatic photo, and let's get this party STARTED!

Thanks for tuning in. This program is brought to you by Google's Blogger and Folger's coffee. Remember, 'nothing goes with cogging like bloffee!' Let’s begin with a few words from ‘the hand with the plan’ himself, Mr. Chill-Daaaaadeeee!!!!

“Hey guys, how’s it going? Wow, it’s really great to be here. First off, I’d to thank my Mom Veeflower, my sister Bunnyjo who first got me into the business, my other sister Shortensweet, for, um, the servitude I guess, and especially, the love of my life, Trophywife, who’s supported me every step of the way. Thanks to all my fans, and everyone else who contributed to the project over the last year, none of this would have been possible without any of you – you guys rock! Last but not least I’d like to give a shout out to the man upstairs, my Creator-God. It’s been a great year, for real, and looking back over it is kind of a blur, but I get these warm, girl-like feelings in my heart, kinda like what your lady feels when you’re watching a Julia Roberts movie, and you look over and there’s this little teardrop on her cheek. But, it’s all good. I remember when I started this thing, I thought it’d be like a cyberspace talk-show, but then, after like a month, I figured out how gay that was and changed things up, then it really started to take off. At first I was posting stuff that some of the fans felt was like this hostile religious rhetoric, so then I vanilla-fied my topics, and only thought the hostile stuff. Hah! Good times. . . Yeah, the project has always had a sort of an identity-crisis going on. I’ve changed everything along the way, the only thing that stayed the same was my sexy profile picture. I might tinker with things here and there, but I know when not to mess with perfection. The banner, though, I mean, come-on. I’ve never been happy with that. This is where I need y’alls help. Vince, tell ‘em what’s going on.”

Thank-you Chilldaddy. It is a privalege for me to announce the ‘Choose-a-Chill’ Banner contest. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, this is your opportunity to help the helping hand. This is where you to tell the chill what’s cool. You get to fuel the future, by choosing Chilldaddy’s next banner. Simply select your favorite banner from the options above, and cast your vote in the comments section. Once all votes are in, Chilldaddy himself will count them out and change his banner to give his loyal supporters the one they want.*

*void where prohibeted. prices subject to tax, title, and license fees. winners agree to mow Chilldaddy's lawn for six weeks of his choosing

AAAAaaahhhhhhh!!!! FIRE!

2006-07-28T09:13:00.000-04:00

There was a good sized fire at the hospital today, and I grabbed an extinguisher and put it out. Seriously. Cindy put out another fire before I did. It just happened and I can still feel the adrenaline rush. Maybe if the whole surgical tech/sci-fi writer things don't work out, I'll join the fire department. What happened was, the fire department came with a machine that blasts a six foot jet of flame over some kind of combustible liquid, and we all learn how to use the extinguishers by putting the fire out. As you can see, I rather enjoyed it. For clarification: the hospital did not catch on fire, only the display thingy in the parking lot.

In other news, I just found out about a Christian sci-fi short story writing contest. There's no cash prize, but I need the publishing credits and this is right up my alley. I'm gonna write a story called 'Mickey Martyr'. He's a children's show host in a futuristic society where the first ammendment has been reinterpreted to protect people's basic freedom from religion. After a religious conversion, he makes a statement on his show that gets him in a lot of trouble. He's ultimately executed by a device that destabilizes molecular cohesion with pencil-thin beams of light that skitter all over your body. It's a relatively slow process, but euphoric, so it is considered humane. The convicts are encouraged to speak as they're melting, because the pleasurable experience always induces a confession, remorse over their crime, and acknowlegement that the punishment is just. It'll probably be short enough to put in a blog post. Maybe a need I third blog to post some of my writings, what do you think?

In other, other news, tomorrow is my one-year blog anniversary: I believe it's called a 'blogiversary'. In honor of it, there will be a special contest (don't cringe, it's not a tag) to determine. . . well, just come back tomorrow and find out.

Peace out.

I resent being obligated to create titles for every single post - let's just call this one 'fubble'.

2006-07-26T14:48:00.000-04:00

I'm bored, waiting for my wife to get out of work. I feel like posting but don't have anything interesting on my mind. Should I start a new game of tag? Nah. I'm losing all my blog-friends, better not risk it at this juncture. I could open my heart, and let you feel Chilldaddy's pain, but that's boring. (getting all the rejection letters is starting to wear me down, especially in combination with not getting the job I interviewed for - "we can't make up our minds about who we want to hire, but we're absolutely certain it's not you" - to paraphrase their response) I could get a deck of cards from the gift shop and challenge somebody to rummy, that way when I get home I'll be warmed up and will stand a slightly better chance against my ten-year-old son. He's really gotten hooked on cards since we got back from camp. I didn't bring my writing stuff since I was reading a book which I finished on my lunch break. It was about 'history books' - books that could be written in to create history, whatever you wrote really happened, but you had to have the faith of a child. It was an okay book, but honestly, I don't understand how so much crap gets published, and I languish here, looking into people's bladders. I hope my crap gets published. Anybody know the average age of an author when they publish their first book? I hope I don't have long to wait. You know what I need? I need to get something encouraging in my mailbox. Kainay's letter and agent's rejections are making me feel pretty worthless right about now. Good thing I've got a wife and kids that adore me despite my lack of marketable talent. Maybe I should kill this last hour by going to Wal-mart and buying them all something we don't need with money we don't have.

Sorry if this is depressing and un-Chilldaddy-like. I'll make it up to you by drawing a picture of a snowman with superpowers. I won't name him though - as I've explained before, it's futile to try to come up with original superhero names.

A post that ends with the word 'booger'.

2006-07-24T05:50:00.000-04:00

This weekend I mowed my lawn and got turned down for a job I really wanted. bummer.
This weekend I played mini-golf with the guys and went swimming with my kids. cool.
This weekend I updated both of my blogs, of which, this post is one. lame.
This weekend I left a one-word message on my sister's voice-mail. booger.

author's update on the author

2006-07-21T05:18:00.000-04:00

I haven't been writing much lately - I'm sort of in a dilemma. I'm thoroughly frustrated with my inability to come up with original super-hero names. Comics have been around for decades and when you search on-line, you find that there are tens of thousands of superheros that have already been published and copywrited. Any halfway cool word that could possibly be a superhero name has already been taken, sometimes multiple times.

So I've pretty much decided to set the project aside and begin working on the second Krimsonspire story. The other day I briefly changed my mind and decided that maybe I would write some more on 'Silverwing' when I got home that evening, (the story's wonderful, the problem is the name thing) when a book on the shelf near the checkout at Wal-mart caught my eye. It was called 'Silverwing' - it's about a young silverwing bat that gets seperated from his herd or whatever.

It's a sign from God.

A message from the keeper of the cooler:

2006-07-18T16:16:00.000-04:00

I'm back from my vacation, and one of my first orders of business is to spend some quality time with the illegitemate love-child sired from my scandelous union with the internet - this blog. First, though, I'll need the electrical service reinstated to my home. Last night's fierce lightning storm knocked it out for at least two days. When its turned back on, then I'll post something nice and creamy to fill your blog-hole.

"But wait," you might ask, "how can you be posting this if you don't have any electric at your house?"
"Simple," I would respond, "I'm posting from my workplace."
"So then," you retort, "why don't you fill our blog-holes from your workplace?"
"Because," I reply, "as you and I both very well know, nothing good ever comes out of one's workplace.
You scratch your head. "Oh."
No further discussion seems necessary.

The best blonde joke of the year

2006-07-01T22:20:00.000-04:00

This is gonna kill ya, just kill ya.

Two blondes are riding in a taxi. . .

(dedicated to Shortensweet)

Truths

2006-06-26T20:25:00.000-04:00

Sand-Dune Two-Step: A Puerto-Rican guy did teach me the two-step, during Desert Storm. We had this goofy way of killing time called 'Club Sand'. You don't want to know anything else.
Satanic Cult Adventure: I did shoot bottle rockets at devil worshippers. It was the climactic ending to the scariest thing that ever happened to me. I'll tell you personally some time when we have two hours to kill together.
Rodent Claw: BIG FAT LIE
Wedged Corpse: An ER tech taught me the trick to getting the corpse centered on the bottom tray. It was hard to lower the dead weight down and not get it all 'caddywhumpus'. So the next time I went to the morgue with a new ER tech, I tried to impress her with my trick and got the guy wedged way in the back, looking at us with dead, but no less disappointed eyes. Her response was, "Ohhh, we're going to hell."
Three Home Runs: BIG FAT LIE
Guitar Lightning Strike: I probably phrased this poorly. The guys house got struck by lightning and he got electrocuted. When he came back to school, he was all proud and excited - "It's all about the music, Dude!" He was a spaz.
Golf-Course Arson: We were lighting sticks and pretending they were cigarettes. A casual toss over someone's shoulder lit the adjoining golf course on fire. All I can say is, I hung with a bad crowd in third grade.
Patien't Femeral Head Drop: It was an honest mistake - but a terrible one. I got yelled at by that Arabic surgeon way more than any drill-sargeant in the Army ever yelled at me.
Bono's Brother: BIG FAT LIE
Burning Shoe: They were 'jumping jacks'. The game was like, my friend would light one and throw it, and I'd try to kick it while it was spinning. This particular one shot straight up into the air when I got close to it, and dropped straight into my open, high-top shoe - as was the style in the mid-eighties. Sixteen year olds are stupid.

Shorty and Bunnyjo tie at three wrong each. It's good to have a family that knows you and loves you, and can see through your tangled web of lies. Wait.... I just recounted. Bunny only got two wrong. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE OUR BIG WINNER! Now I know which sister I have a better chance of lying to.

Date night

2006-06-26T17:45:00.000-04:00

Cindy and Wendy, Me and Cindy, some weird bugswarms, and

Wendy does something weird with her head that makes me laugh

We usually like to go on our dates alone, but we invited Wendy (Cindy's twin) along to go dancing - her husband's cool but dancing is not his thing. So, she became our designated driver, subsequently providing a fun-intensive environment for Cindy and myself. She got hit on a couple times, asked to dance and that kind of thing, then one guy, who come to our table on his friend's behalf, assumed I was with both of them and called me a lucky ba###rd. The highlight of the night, for me, was when they played that 90's dance-song, 'Push-it'. We played a game where every time they said 'push-it', we'd shove each other........ ahhhhh........ good times. Anyway, we really had fun with her, so much so, that we'll probably invite her on occasional future dates. (also cuz the, um, place where bands play gave us all a free pass for a night when they have comedy and a band) Thanks for a good time, Wendy, and I mean that in the cleanest, 'brother-in-lawly' sort of way.

If you can zoom in on the name just above my head, some of you may experience, well, 'mixed' emotions.

On a side note, we saw something weird on the way to the, um, place where bands play - there were hundreds of these wispy black tendrils reaching into the sky. It was so bizarre that we just had to pull over and figure out what it was. All we could tell was that they were some kind of strange swarms of insects in upright colomns probably thirty feet high. I don't know why they were doing it, but I took this picture cuz I thought maybe one of the smart internet people would be able to figure it out. I actually put the worst of the two photos in the collage by mistake, but I'm not going back to change it, so this is all you get - deal with it.

The computer spit out your grades

2006-06-24T00:07:00.000-04:00

(this whole post has to do with a contest from a few posts back, so if you're out of touch, go back and read this before you read this)

The answers:

1. Dr. Donald Blake - G. Thor
2. Bruce Banner - H. The Hulk
3. Bruce Wayne - B. Batman
4. Clark Kent - F. Superman
5. Peter Parker - A. Spiderman
6. Tony Stark - E. Ironman
7. Steve Rogers - D. Captain America
8. Hal Jordan - C. Green Lantern

Superhero's without actual superpowers: Batman and Captain America. Ironman and Green Lantern are a sort of a grey area because they have special items which give them powers.

Chilldaddy's favorite superhero: SPIDERMAN FOREVER BABY!

Chilldaddy's real life super-powers: None. I'm a pathetic loser. I was just fishing for compliments, so if you listed any whatsoever, I'll give you credit.

The winner: Virtual Junk Drawer. Congratulations, my friend - you worked hard, and you deserve this moment. (turns out the yodel-off won't be necessary)

The runner-up: Lisa. Simply by giving it a shot, she comes in second because nobody else made a serious attempt.

The Prize: VJD gets to think of a name and/or power of one of the 'extranormals' in my new book. (I'll email you the details) Keep an eye on Chilldaddy for VJD's contribution.

The fate of the rest of the class: Lucky for y'all, I throw out the lowest grade, so those of you who failed to turn in your assignments can make it up on the next test - 'Believe it or Not'. Remember: taking a guess constitutes accepting a tag.

Believe it or not.

2006-06-21T05:33:00.000-04:00

On the top of a sand-dune, in the middle of the wide-open desert, I learned to two-step from a Puerto-Rican man. (we weren't gay, just bored)
My friends and I broke up a satanic cult meeting by firing bottle-rockets down the sewer pipe they were meeting in.
In the middle of a delicious burger at a well-known fast-food joint, I found some sort of rodent's claw.
I once got a human corpse wedged into the mechanism at the rear of the morgue-drawer because I thought I knew a trick for getting him centered on his autopsy tray.
When I was eleven, I hit three home-runs in one little-league game.
The bass-player in my high-school rock band got struck by lightning while playing his guitar in his basement.
I helped to accidently burn a sizeable chunk of a golf-course.
I dropped a guys femoral head (from his hip joint) on the floor during a surgery and got in a lot of trouble.
I sat across the aisle from Bono's brother on a plane one time - he was trying hard not to be irate by being bumped down from first class.
Not to combine previous statements, but I also accidently burned up my own shoe in a fireworks mishap - while I was wearing it.

Some of these statements are true, some are not. My family members that read the blog will recognize most of the stories, but I'll bet there are a few they haven't heard. Since most of them are true, your mission is to guess which ones are false. Then consider yourself tagged.

I have to check the blog by-laws, but I believe it's okay to start a new contest before you've finished an older one. I'm referring, of course, to the 'superhero secret identity quiz' a few posts down, which happens to be getting cold and lonely - show your love, pay it a visit.

No creative title available

2006-06-18T10:12:00.000-04:00

This is probably the last bit of artwork I'll post for a while, I want to avoid becoming tiresome.

The shelf I mentioned a few posts back is going up today, There're only two books I haven't printed yet because I'm procrastinating editing them - it's not fun y'all - or cheap. If PinkChick is out there anywhere, let her know that the first two Mythicon books are ready to be borrowed from the library.

Anyhow, I'm posting this because I took some OLD sci-fi short stories (for adults, not juveniles) and put them in one collection, in one big three ring binder - so naturally, I needed another book-cover. I like the way it looks, but I'm less than thrilled with the title. Tell me what you think?

My short stories range in length from 22 - 67 pages, plenty short enough to read on the computer screen, doncha think? Let me know if any of you would like some emailed to you.

As for the superhero contest, I'm thinking of extending the deadline to Friday, just cuz I know so many of you need the extra time to do the research (in other words - not enough people have played yet).

Imprisoned in high-tech luxery

2006-06-14T21:17:00.000-04:00

I was stalled in my writing for the last two days because I got to the part where Psychon is giving Zephyr a tour around the underground complex. I realized, "Hmmm... I don't really know what this place looks like."

Since 80% of the story takes place here, I figured I'd better stop, and make it as detailed and well thought out as possible. I made this file too small for you to read the labels in all the rooms, but if you all buy a copy when it gets published, I'll throw in a complimentary floorplan. (It'd suck if I bought a copy of your superhero novel and found that it took place in the secret underground complex I designed - I don't trust none-a-youse-guys)

I don't know about you, but I love reading a story where the writer supplies a map of some kind and you can follow the protagonist's progress - makes it more interesting and helps me visualize the action.

Don't forget about the 'Superhero Alter-Ego contest' in the next post down. The person who gets the most correct answers by Monday gets to name a superhero in my book (or have them named after you).

Superhero alter-egos

2006-06-14T13:35:00.000-04:00

1. Dr. Donald Blake
2. Bruce Banner
3. Bruce Wayne
4. Clark Kent
5. Peter Parker
6. Tony Stark
7. Steve Rogers
8. Hal Jordan

A. Spiderman
B. Batman
C. Green Lantern
D. Captain America
E. Ironman
F. Superman
G. Thor
H. Hulk

Because superheroes are so topical and crucial at the moment, I thought I'd encourage you all to be thinking more about them. The winner of this little matching test gets to name an original superhero appearing in my next book.

By the way, my recent research indicates that it is almost impossible to come up with an original super-hero name, do you know that over that last fifty years, there've been thousands upon thousands of superheroes created? It almost makes me wonder why I'd bother adding to it.

The answer is simple: I like superheroes and I enjoy making them up.

(bonus question: name the superheroes listed above that do not have any super powers)
(double bonus: who's my favorite superhero?)
(triple bonus: name two out of three of Chilldaddy's real-life super powers)

A 'non-post' - for no good reason

2006-06-10T11:09:00.000-04:00

Don't have much to say. I've been writing, working, parenting and all my other usual whatnot.

One might ask, "So why bother blogging?"

A fair question. The answer is actually twofold: one, if I go more then ten days without blogging, my comment section fills up with pleading messages from hurt and disappointed people, and two, it's been quite a while since I reminded everyone of what a 'babe' I'm married to.

Unexpected progress

2006-06-02T11:14:00.000-04:00

I recommend writing novels as a way to recuperate after a horrific car-accident. It's very therapeautic. I've written two chapters on my new book , 'Silverwing' since yesterday. (click here to learn more about the accident). Here are some drawings of the two main 'extranormals'. As you can see NEITHER OF THEM ARE WEREWOLVES.

Here's a quick excerpt of the two character's first meeting:

Moments later, the crowd ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ again as a grey blur streaked over their heads towards the water tower.

Eric landed and smiled at one of his real-life heroes.

The silver-skinned figure before him looked as if he might have once been a normal young man. He had pupil-less eyes, a nostril-less nose, and a silver mouth filled with silver teeth. His full head of shaggy hair was also silver and seemed to be made out of thick strands of soft metal.

The super-hero looked at Eric with strange concern and asked, “Are you Veloci-boy?”

With mock-suspicion, Eric asked, “That depends, are you Silver?”

It was meant to be a joke. It was obvious who each of them was, but Silver wasn’t laughing.

“You and I need to talk.”

Exciting book covers

2006-06-02T11:05:00.000-04:00

I've been printing out manuscripts and putting them in three-ring binders, the kinds with windows on the covers. Because the pile of binders is growing, I want to put up a shelf and line the boys up with titles and by-lines showing, it's kind of a vanity thing I suppose. So, here are my covers for the Mythicon series.

Here's the one from my latest book, 'The Runaway Apprentice'. Incidentally, this is what Cindy was reading when we smashed into the white car on our way to work yesterday.

Pretend with me.

2006-05-17T06:01:00.000-04:00

Imagine if Bill Gates were a werewolf.

Don't laugh, think about it. It's part of the concept for my next book. A dynamic, creative, mega-billionairre, with a dark secret. What would he do? He'd secretly spend millions on hidden teams of researchers, trying to be rid him of his affliction. In my story, the guy (the heir to the Gutterfield Firearms empire) hires a gifted virologist who discovers the secret to lycanthropy and makes it controllable.

The disease has left the guy paranoid and slightly psychotic. He believes an alien invasion will happen in the near future and sees himself as the only man with the vision and resources to protect the planet. He begins to build his own super-soldiers, equipping them with futuristic weaponry developed by his company but withheld from the military whom they are supposed to be building weapons for. The first generation have the ability to shapeshift into certain kinds of mammals, and they are chosen based on the needs of whatever kind of mission he wants to send them out on. For the next generation, they begin abducting 'extra-normals' (people with superpowers) and taking them to a secret complex for study.

I won't tell you any more, but this is the framework I'm going to hang my superhero story on. I'm going to call it 'Silverwing', after the main character. But I'm also not going to tell you what his powers are. Sorry. Ya bunch of dirty plagerists.

If you happened to notice that a lot of my comments lately have something to do with superpowers, now you know why.

You've heard this excuse before.

2006-05-14T15:42:00.000-04:00

One more on the shelf.

It’s called ‘The runaway apprentice’, and it’s book one in a trilogy I plan to call ‘The Wizards of Krimsonspire.’ It’s 59,000 words, and 219 typed pages which are twice as long as the hand-written pages I used to write. Yes, I wrote the entire book on my new laptop, which means I won’t have to burden anybody with a typing job.

I just finished it today, which is appropriate, considering it’s Mother’s Day, and I’m dedicating this book to Cindy. Love you Babe.

Would you like an exerpt? I think I have one laying around... oh, here it is. Of course it won't make the least little bit of sense being lifted out of context like it is. (if this were still a talk-show style blog, I'd 'set up the clip', but it isn't, so I won't)

(photo stolen from some other site - I didn't draw it, okay?)

The sounds of pursuit grew closer.
He had no idea how long they’d been running, or how far they’d gotten. He sensed that under normal conditions, neither of them would have made it this far, but fear and adrenaline pushed them superhuman feats of endurance. They could be tired later – if they managed to escape.
Suddenly he saw a strange sight. Somewhere up ahead, there were lights between the trees. Was it firelight? It was hard to tell in his desperate headlong rush, perhaps his eyes were playing tricks on him, but it did look like multiple camp fires. If that were the case, one thing was sure – they wouldn’t be human, not this far from a road.
Ordinarily, one would avoid strange fires at all costs within the wilderland, but just this once, perhaps it was strange luck. He directed their flight towards the fires and yelled to Sienna.
“There’s somebody up there…” he panted, “probably not human… you have to trust me… and keep running no matter what.”
By the time they neared the camp enough for him to make out what it was, the sounds of the patrol were so close that he could hear their heavy footfalls, crashing through the leaves and brush behind him. He ran faster, even though he could now see what they were running into.
Goblin raiders.
Dozens of them.
The dark, gnarled creatures appeared to be scrambling to get ready. They must have heard the chase and figured out that it was coming towards them.
‘Oh well’, Zakrius thought, ‘we’ll either get through them or we won’t’.
They exploded into the goblins firelight. The surprised creatures froze with looks of confusion on their twisted, malicious features. These two human children were suddenly right in their camp, cutting through it like it was one of their own roads. Zakrius saw flashes of fang-filled faces with surprised expressions, and bald, dark-skinned heads turning their long, tapered ears toward the unexpected disturbance. Just when it seemed some of them were coming to their senses and might move against them, Zakrius began yelling.
“Get ready for battle! Human soldiers are coming! They’re right behind us!”
The bewildered goblins looked back into the inky darkness of the woods to see if it were true. The many sounds of barking dogs and tromping soldiers told them it was true. A sudden bestial howl went up in the goblin camp, and the raiders charged into the darkness, ignoring the human children.
Zakrius and Sienna just kept running. As they bored a hole through the thick vegetation of the dark woods, the din of frenzied battle erupted behind them.
And still they ran.

They ran half the night.

Chilldaddy misses you enough to -

2006-05-13T11:26:00.000-04:00

- scribble you a bad picture

Six random things.

2006-04-22T09:53:00.000-04:00

This is a game I was invited to participate in by the loveable Cream. I'll list six random things about myself, then tag six others. If you're tagged, you must do the same, and leave comments on their blogs directing them to the instructions on your blog. Savvy?

1. Firearms don't thrill me. In the army I fired everything from automatic weapons to anti-armor missiles, I've even thrown live hand-grenades, and NONE of them excited me in the least. To this day, I have no interest in owning a gun - not even for hunting.

2. I don't like to travel. It's not that I don't enjoy seeing new places, it's that 'I don't like to travel'. I hate driving, trains are too slow, and planes make me sick. Plus, it's not very restful to drag four kids over long distances - you come back from your vacation needing another vacation.

3. I'm wearing a necklace full of pink plastic beads. It's on an elastic string so it'll fit my fat neck. Paige put it on me this morning because she thinks it looks pretty on me.

4. I'm terrible with car repairs. They usually end with angry hammering.

5. I was really skinny growing up. My parents called me 'Mr. Bones' because so many of them portruded through my skin. Now I'm probably sixty pounds overweight.

6. I love weddings. Seriously, just like a woman. Don't laugh or I'll punch you.

In rereading this, I've decide to subtitle it, "Four reasons why I'm just like a little girl". I'm adding another random fact to re-assert my testosterone.

7. Dang, I can't think of anything.... um, I like sex? (that should do - sorry mom and grandma)

And here it is, the list of people who get to do this next:

1. Trophy Wife
2. Bunnyjo Georg
3. Shortensweet
4. Virtual Junk Drawer
5. Roo
6. Perfect Girl

What if I did my job the way contractors do theirs?

2006-04-20T20:02:00.000-04:00

I’m trying to get some concrete poured in my driveway and these guys have been driving me crazy. I dealt with it all last summer while we put our house up, and I don’t think I can deal with it again so soon. I’m left shaking my head, asking myself “what if I did my job like contractors do theirs?”

“Yeah, Mrs. Johnson, we can get out there probably Thursday to get that abdominal incision sewed up for you (AS LONG AS THERE’S NO RAIN, OR CLOUDS FOR THAT MATTER). What’s that? No… I’ve got a thing to do first (SLEEP IN). Somebody else has this ruptured appendix and I’ve been putting it off. He’s been calling me everyday for like three weeks now, so I should probably… Yeah, I know, I should have called you back too, but the crews been real busy bandaging owies and boo-boos(I FORGOT). Lookit, how about if I stop by tonight and take a look at it (WON’T SHOW UP) and then I’ll call you tomorrow (MIGHT RETURN YOUR MESSAGE FOUR DAYS FROM NOW) and set up a time when I can get the guys out there (TO SHOW UP TWO HOURS LATE AND LEAVE TWO HOURS EARLY) Excuse me? Oh, your gall bladder? Yeah, well what happened was, we had this new guy on the crew who kinda nicked it, but it should be fine. You might have a small bile leak but that shouldn’t hurt anything (PERITONITIS AND A RETURN VISIT TO THE O.R. WITH ANOTHER CREW) So, yeah, anyway, we oughtta have that belly closed up for you by Monday at the latest (ONE MONTH TO GO). It’ll be real nice when it’s done (BARE MINIMUM-BORDERLINE INCOMPLETE, HE’LL HAVE TO COME BACK THREE TIMES TO GET IT RIGHT). By the way, I’ll pay you a hundred bucks for every referral you give me (PLEASE DON’T REPORT ME TO THE BETTER BUSINESS BEUREAU).”

So how about you? What would happen if you did your job like contractors do theirs?

Andy got me

2006-04-13T21:23:00.000-04:00

Remember the jerk in the locker next to mine? Well he finally paid me back, and you know what? It kind of hurts.

I hope you brought a pencil

2006-03-30T05:31:00.000-05:00

You know how geologists study core samples to learn about the Earth? Well you can do the same to my locker at work and learn about me. The items in the diagram above are a pretty fair indicator the elements of my life and their comparitive importance.

Using the information provided, please answer the following questions with number two pencil, completely filling in all of the circles:

1. Ray enjoys his career. T or F

2. He has lots of free time at work. T or F

3. His favorite member of his family is:
A. Cindy
B. Hailie
C. Chantze
D. Brooke
E. Paige

4. Ray has good fashion sense. T or F

5. His favorite food to bring for lunch is:
A. leftover chili
B. leftover enchaladas
C. leftover chicken
D. microwave burritos
E. Ray is considering anorexia

6. Ray is well-liked by his co-workers. T or F

7. Mayo scissors are used for thicker tissues, such as fascia. T or F

For extra-credit: name the one object pictured that was stolen by the jerk in the locker next to mine because even though I own a lock I don't feel the need to put in on my locker and I haven't for eight years because it slows me down getting to break or leaving for the day and I thought I could trust my co-workers but apparently I can't especially not 'Bad Andy' who ever since then has had to lock his locker because every time I get my hands on his ID badge I deface it with a dry-erase marker and make him look like a clown or a devil or elvis or a little girl or something.

Please submit your answers by Wednesday the 29th.

Trophy Wife brings home the bacon.

2006-03-09T05:26:00.000-05:00

I had to get the 'serious' off the top of my blog, sorry.

Turns out I don't have anything funny to present to you as an alternative, so..... here's a picture of my wife in her little work room.

Guess what the machine on the left is for and you'll get a free can of Papsi, er, Pepsi.

Close-minded haters

2006-03-07T10:45:00.000-05:00

"God hates you and you're gonna burn in hell."
"We rojoice anytime a soldier gets blown to smithereens."
"We're glad your son's dead - It's God's wrath against a nation that supports homosexuality."

You all know I'm not much for strong opinions or serious issues, but this needs to be addressed. These are the comments made by protestors in Kansas city - at military funerals for fallen soldiers. Words cannot express how sickening and outrageous this attitude is. I'm a Gulf War veteran and a devoted Christian and I vehemently disagree.

This is not my God.

My God's a good God, He'll take anybody with a sincere heart - but what I don't understand is how somebody can read a verse like this, and still be a hate-filled freak:

Matthew 11: 28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Where is the disclaimer that says 'soldiers from pro-homo nations need not apply'? Where do these misguided fanatics get these ideas? What do they hope to gain by twisting the knife in the backs of grieving mother's? Do they actually think the world is going to hear their message and say, "Why didn't we see this before? We're all going to hell and boy do we ever deserve it - we shoulda never been nice to those dang homosexuals. But thank the Lord for this brave little group of truth-sharers. Now we know enough to fall on our knees in earnest repentence."

God, I'm still on your side, but sometimes it's hard - WHY do you attract so many close-minded haters?

I have three things on my mind.

2006-03-06T15:28:00.000-05:00

1. I bummed a cigarrette on Saturday, smoked two puffs, and threw it away. It was gross, so, in a way, breaking my Lenten fast was good. I don't want to smoke as bad now (day 6), but I am still having some kind of withdrawal symptoms.

2. When I talked about being discouraged with the rejection letters from agents, I said I felt like scrapping my four volume series and writing some kind of Harry Potter knock-off. Remember how I said that? You do? Good. We can move on. The agent I liked the most from my list just rejected me over the weekend, so I'm thinking more seriously about the Harry Potter thing. See, years before there was a Harry Potter, I wrote 700 pages about a young sorcerer's apprentice. It was called 'Talonshale' and it was my first attempt at writing a novel -- the writing is atrocious, but the premise rocks (were-dragons, my friend, there are were-dragons). I'm thinking I could easily rewrite the story for young adults, throw out the crappy parts and a bunch of unneccessary characters, and have a sweet 250 page story. It'd take me six weeks. And obviously, I won't scrap Mythicon - but this will make me feel better while my pile of rejection letters grows. Your thoughts?

3. I've just learned about the most amazing business opportunity - AFTERLIFE TELEGRAMS! For five dollars a word, you can send messages to people you know who've passed over to the other side. Seriously, they partner with terminally ill people who promise to memorize the message, then do whatever they can to pass it on once they 'cross-over'. It's ingenious! The flaw is that because they don't know what happens after death, so they can't guarantee delivery. My slant would be to locate and categorize the terminally ill from every world religion. Muslim's could take the messages to their virginal paradise, Jews could take them to Abraham's Bosom, Catholics could take them to purgatory, protestant fundamentalists are obviously the only ones going to heaven, so they could take them there, and as for hell. . . weeeelllllll, I've got somebody in mind to take messages there, but it wouldn't be very polite to mention any names here.

It's only a matter of time.

2006-03-03T04:44:00.000-05:00

You'll get back to Earth someday, guys, I promise.

Wah.

2006-03-03T04:00:00.000-05:00

Years ago, a rejection letter came in the form of an unpersonalized, single-page photocopied letter that politely stated "we are not representing this sort of materiel at the present time." The two I got yesterday had a nice, humane touch to them. The prospective agents actually took the time to scrawl a little note on the top of the letter I sent them (they wrote on my letter - not their own paper - savvy?).

In effect, they said, "Go to hell, you little fruitcake."

Maybe that wasn't the exact sentiment they aimed to express, but that's how it felt, given the 'nicotine-deprivation' factor. I actually expected lots of rejection, after all, I only need one acceptance, but battling addiction makes one. . . how to put it?. . . sensative - like a little girly with an ugly dress in church and some BO cuz she prematurely developed sweat glands but doesn't understand the concept of deoderant yet and hairy knuckles to pound the snot out of little boys who laugh and pull on her uneven pig tails and the choir has to seperate them while the organist calls for an ambulance but she can spit pretty far and gets in one last loog before the clouds rupture and everyone gets drenched and angry in the 'Cold November Rain'. I feel like that, only less vindicated. There's no one at hand to spit on.

It's hard for a testosterone juggernaut like me to admit to feeling like a little girly - but what can I say? Mom's always been right: "people who smoke have problems."

Two out of twelve responses, and I'm already thinking of giving up. I'm thinking of scrapping FOUR novels and quickly writing a 'Harry Potter' knock-off, something with mass-market appeal, to get at least one publishing credit to my name - I could do it in a month and it'd probably be pretty good. But then again, I realize I'm not thinking straight right now. It'd be best to continue to work my plan, and to not divert any effort until I re-aquire rational faculties. Quitting screws with every aspect of your psyche, man, it's all chemical, you know? But you didn't want to know all this. . . I know what you're really interested in. . . twin stories.

Sorry, wrong blog. Try this.

Although I am very proud to announce that I have a new note to hang in my locker at work - it says "i luf dadde".

How very interesting Mr. Chill...

2006-03-02T14:27:00.000-05:00

Day two: I'm not doing too bad really. I still feel all fuzzy and groggy-weird, and obviously I'd like to smoke - but I won't. I suppose I could whine about it, but there's something of far greater importance to discuss.

Onward, to the meat of the post. . .

A scientific scale
(candy's flavor pre- and post-nicotine use)

dark chocolate kisses ---- good to superb
reese's egg ---- good to foul
twix ---- unexciting to unexciting
3 musketeers ---- bland to good
snickers ---- good to tasty
milky way ---- okay to good
millky way midnight ---- foul to okay
reese's peanut butter cup ---- superb to unexciting

You know how they say smoking cripples your sense of taste? It's true. Everytime I quit, I'm pleasantly surprised by how good everything tastes the next day. But as the research I did today indicates, some tastes actually changed.

My team and I believe this dynamic can be explained rather simply. (Dr. Poindexter actually suggested some sort of algebraec formula to express the phenomena but I roundhouse-kicked him in the back of his egg-head) The flavors I detected in the past were not the candy's true flavors - they were dulled by one of the more sinister side-effects of the drug. Being free of nicotine, I can now experience their true character. Tra-la-la. Oh happy day, etc. Most scores improved with the increased sensation of taste, as the chart above indicates. You'll also note no change in the 'Twix-factor'. This is perhaps our most perplexing finding. (whilst silently pondering this conundrum, we absently flogged Dr. Poindexter with a cat-o-nine-tails)

A final point of interest: two candies actually dropped in their flavor evaluations, 'Reese's egg' and 'Reese's Peanut Butter Cup'. This also caused wild speculation on our esteemed team of researchers. (Dr. Poindexter got a crushing fist to his windpipe in the ensuing debate) The final consensus was that: "you can't tell when you're smoking, but peanut butter tastes like dirt."

More research is needed in this fascinating field of study, and many more specimen's await evaluation. Stay tuned to this blog for breaking details.

The sleeping bear

2006-03-01T11:49:00.000-05:00

I feel malaise.
My senses are dull, my body is heavy, and my thoughts are scattered - incomplete. Even as I type this, I somehow sense that I'm not making sense.
I try to focus, but space consumes my attention. I find myself gazing into it, wondering how long I was gone and where I went.
I want to be left alone - to sleep. I want to curl up someplace dark and warm, and to NOT be bothered. I want to hibernate- like a bear.
Don't prod me, I'm telling you, I do have teeth and claws right now.
Something is missing.
Something crucial.
Some vital componant that usually bolsters my disposition, sharpens my awareness, and makes my thoughts flow more keenly.
I can get by without it, in fact - I'll be better off - but I don't quite feel like myself.
It's a simple chemical.

Lent begins today and I've given up cigarettes.
.
.
.
Now accepting encouragement and suggestions.

Yup, another personality profile

2006-02-28T15:05:00.000-05:00

Hippie

You are 42% Rational, 57% Extroverted, 0% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.

You are the Hippie! Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, and humility, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and free love! Immediately following that, you then frolic to the hospital with herpes! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you also love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn't a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble--thus making you an annoying hippie. Now go do your drugs and have sex with filthy bearded men in tye dye shirts.

To put it less negatively:
1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.
2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.
3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.
4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Sociopath.
Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Televangelist, and the Robot.

'Trophy Wife' profile pic contest

2006-02-25T08:39:00.000-05:00

Cindy has made the statement that she is less than satisfied with the body on her current profile picture. So I, as a dogged, hen-pecked husband, am obliged to offer her alternatives in a swift but thorough manner, or suffer dire, long-lasting consequences (you all know how angry she gets). Keep in mind: whichever picture is selected will be reworked to be much more natural, seamless, and eye-pleasing. I fear for my very life if it isn't.

Vote for the current picture, or 1-4. I'll go first. . . . hmm. . . . How bout' the current one (the one that's done)?

An answer to the persistant cries

2006-02-21T05:28:00.000-05:00

Due to your overwhelming responses, I've decided to post my one-paragraph synopsis of the first book in my series. It's taken straight from the basic query letter agents will receive. Now stop begging, all of you, or I'll be forced to utilize the biblical curse-generator. (Woe unto thee, thou lazy Babylonian, for you will go on a diet of crunchy, unsweetened locusts!)

Sorry, that one slipped, you know what a hair-trigger these curse-generators have.
Where was I?. . . . the synopsis:

Two gifted children are abducted by aliens and taken to the hub of the galaxy where a thriving, multi-racial culture exists. Their abductor, the brain queen Zill, a communal intelligence, experiments with their gifts, hoping to discover something that will give her an advantage in her bid for galactic conquest. The children are met and aided by a gentle alien who leads them to an extraordinary, almost magical starship – The Mythicon. With its unique, non-lethal technology, they escape the cruel brain queen and set a course for Earth, a journey that will take them seven years. Before they get far, they are confronted once again by the horrible tyrant. They must find a way to escape, to outsmart her – and defeat her if they can.

So, does this sound interesting? This one paragraph is all you're given to impress most agents, so, you know, I hoped i dun writed it good.

Sites you can't live without

2006-02-18T13:31:00.000-05:00

Here are some new links I’ve been wanting to add for a while:

The Wittenburg Door (+) --(an actual magazine, but not my favorite)
Ship of Fools (+) -- (come along for the ride)
Biblical Curse Generator (+) -- (useful on a daily basis)
The Lark News (+) -- (hysterical – but very subtle, read every square inch carefully)
Reverend Fun (+) – (‘Far Side’ style daily cartoon)
Flying Spaghetti Monster (-) -- (these pirates make a good point)
Landover Baptist (-) -- (if you’re a Christian, do not click this link – I mean it)

(+) denotes pro-Christian humor
(-) denotes anti-Christian humor.*

Yes, they’re all ‘humor’ sites. ( I am still Chilldaddy)

* Disclaimer: Unlike in some faith’s, I’m not offended when our detractors poke fun at us. I don’t think they’d have anything to exploit if the flaws weren’t there to begin with. The Church should learn from it’s critics.

Whoa, that last link, though…

Chilldaddy makes a serious statement

2006-02-18T13:18:00.000-05:00

I reject the idea that human’s exist as the pinnacle of a supreme cosmic coincidence piled on top of supreme cosmic coincidence. I started from the perspective of an agnostic: there appeared to be some sort of creative force at work, but I didn’t know much about him. Then I read the book of Matthew and the words struck a life-giving chord deep within me.

I’m a Christian. I believe that God did send a part of himself to live among us, to demonstrate a perfect life, and to teach us the meaning of our existence. I believe that I’m ultimately a flawed person, with no hope of redeeming myself apart from this Saviour’s sacrifice.

But I am forced to agree with the world’s current estimation of the Christian church. When I look at so-called ‘Christians’, I don’t like what I see, including myself sometimes. I understand why people would say, “If that’s what a Christian is, then I don’t want to be one.” Judgemental? Self-righteous? Close-minded? Superior? Yes, all too often. I read a lot of anti-Christian sentiment on these blogs, and many times, I find myself agreeing.

So I decided to write this entry. Not to disagree with any of you, but just to remind the denizens of cyberspace that I am a man of faith, even if I don’t seem like it at times.

Dismiss the Christian religion if you must, but I would caution you to not dismiss the Christian God. If there’s even a chance that it contains some truth, you need to explore it. I always say, “There’s no sense in playing a game where you don’t understand the rules, and what’s in store for the winners and losers.”

If you’re not seeking truth, you’re running that risk.

Pick up a Bible, read one of the Gospels, and decide for yourself. That’s exactly what I did and I’ve never regretted it. It’s been a slippery road at times, but it always pointed in the right direction.

Another one on the shelf

2006-02-18T02:02:00.000-05:00

It's late and I'm tired, so I'm gonna make this short.

I'm done. Just finished.

Book four of the 'Starship Mythicon' series, 'Mythicon and the Master's Tournament', is now completely written - 295 pages. I'm gonna totally abstain from writing for the next few months. I'm all about getting an agent -- nose-to-the-grindstone, laser-like-intensity focused.

What does this mean for you? More time to blog.

Forgive the contradiction, like I said, it's late.

Instead of spending every spare minute with spiral-bound notebooks, or feeling guilty cuz I'm not. I should have time to attend to the important things in life, like blogging (in between researching agent listings, writing query letters, and mailing off samples of my manuscripts, of course). I tried to get published a few years ago and it is definately not as much fun as actually writing. In fact, rejection letters tend to bring one down.

And for anybody out there who knows a little about the bidness, I am well aware that "a writer must write everyday", I'm a little different. I can't do two things at once. If I continue to write, I'll procrastinate the 'getting published' part. Luckily I've been blessed with the ability to pick up a notebook at any time and let it flow.

Any interest in hearing what the book's about?

My 'Trophy Wife' has a blog now (sort of)

2006-02-16T20:40:00.000-05:00

We took today off from work to sort of celebrate Valentine's day. Actually, we were supposed to go to a fancy company dinner last night recognizing me for 10-plus years of service to the hospital (free prime rib = cheap Valentine's date). So we got all dressed up, showed up at the dinner, found our name tags, looked around the crowded room, didn't see anybody fun, threw our nametags away, and went out for grinders and margaritas.

I guess we're more 'grinder' people than 'prime-rib' people.

Anyhow, we had a pleasant, lazy day at home today. I blogged for a change. For some time now, I've been wanting to create some kind of screen name/profile thing for Cindy for when she leaves comments but I couldn't figure out how to do it without creating her an entire blog. She really doesn't want her own blog, so don't waste your time checking it too often, but, in case you're dying of curiousity, here's the link: Trophy Wife

You might be thinking we're shallow or that I don't appreciate Cindy, but let me just emphatically state, the whole 'Trophy Wife' concept is meant to be a joke. We thought of it together, while she was cooking and cleaning and bringing drinks in for me as I lounged about on the computer. After she's done rubbing my shoulders, I might let her post something to her new blog.

I am, after all, a very benevolent ruler.

I'm forcing Mrs. Chilldaddy to answer the questions

2006-02-02T18:17:00.000-05:00

four jobs I've had:
Hardy's
Dairy Queen
Donut maker
Lab

four movies I could watch over and over:
The Replacements
Lord of the Rings
Clint Eastwood movies
My Cousin Vinny

four places I've lived:
with my parents
with my older sister
by myself (with Chantze when he was a baby)
then I got married

four TV shows I love:
News Radio
that 70's show
Happy Days
Daily Show

four places I've vacationed:
Germany/Switzerland
California
Florida
Mackinac Island

four of my favorite dishes:
biscuits & gravy
french toast
pumpkin pie
cheese & onion quesadillas

four sites I visit daily:
chill daddy
veenie babies
laura's
jamie's

four places I'd rather be right now:
(always with my family)
scotland
jerusalem
hawaii
new zeeland

my four favorite books:
the bible
frank peretti books
chronicles of narnia
ray's stuff

four hobbies/things I've been into:
playing with my kids
scaring my kids
tormenting my kids
make my kids get in trouble so i can punish them by giving them housework

four things I wish I could get done:
get organized
exercise
pray more
house work

four people who've inspired me:
Jesus
dad
ray
Mr. Talo, my biology/anatomy teacher in high school

The other kids finally invited me to play 'tag'

2006-02-02T05:10:00.000-05:00

Thanks a lot Shortensweet.

I'm not being sarcastic, really, thank-you Jamie. Being tagged, while slightly cheesy, seems to be a sort of 'right of passage' for a blogger. Once it happens, it's like you're all grown up, no more eating at the kid's table. It's like 'blog puberty'.

Ok, that was kind of gross. I'll just go ahead and answer the questions now. I'm adding to it, though.

four jobs I've had:
stock boy
US Army (mechanized infantry)
Security Guard (many times)
Surgical Technologist (scrub nurse)

four movies I could watch over and over:
I hate to rewatch movies, I don't know why, but here's four I love:
Bruce Almighty
Tombstone
Indiana Jones
Tommy Boy

four places I've lived:
with my mom,
then the army,
then my mom again,
then I got married.
I've never lived alone, and at this point, hope to never have to.

four TV shows I love:
We get no TV reception here in the country (which is good), but these are my all-time favorite shows:
Wings
Newsradio
Simpsons
Star Trek

four places I've vacationed:
Corpus Christi, TX
Orlando/Ft. Lauderdale, FL (Our perfect honeymoon)
Mackinac Island, MI
Tulsa, OK

four of my favorite dishes:
tacos
italian subs
burgers
spaghetti

four sites I visit daily (regularly):
Junk from Jamie
Drawing a blank with Bunnyjo
DCver's Twilight Zone
Creamer's Screamers

four places I'd rather be right now:
I'm at home right now - my favorite place on Earth, but here're some dream vacations:
Cruise - tropical island
Wine and Castle cruise on the Rhine
Holy Land tour of Jerusalem
Other tours of ancient archeological wonders (Rome, Egypt, South America)

four people I'm tagging:
Here's the deal, since these questions were a little on the lame side, I'm creating four more questions and RETAGGING THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE TO ANSWER THEM:
Bunnyjo
Shortensweet
Perfectgirl (Hailie)
Mom (Yes, get a blog and this will be your first entry)

my four favorite books/authors:
The Holy Bible - the inspired Word of God
Ray Bradbury
C.S. Lewis
Arthur C. Clarke

four hobbies/things I've been into:
Music (songwriting/guitar playing)
Writing (science fiction, fantasy, horror, children's)
Children's ministry
Art (cartoony drawings and doodles)

four things I wish I could get done:
yardwork
all light bulbs changed
fixing the brakes on my truck
getting the dog groomed

four people who've inspired me:
Jesus Christ
Uncle Brian
Mom
Mrs. Knoth, my sixth grade English teacher

Remember me?

2006-01-29T10:59:00.000-05:00

It's been just short of four weeks since I last updated this blog. Not much has happened in that time, but what blogger actually needs news for an excuse to post? All I can do is offer my sincere apologies.

I'm not going to make excuses, but I have still been writing about fifty pages a week. I think I'm on course to finish my fourth book in the next few weeks. Then I'm going to force myself to NOT write, and instead, focus all of my efforts into finding an agent and getting published.

For those of you who have either forgotten, or, didn't realize, or, maybe just can't get enough information on the life and times of Chilldaddy, I'm also the Dad. I tend to update that blog much more often as it chronicles the life and times of the Veenie Babies. There are way more 'goings-on' in my family than in my head, so remember to check there and find out what bizarre things these four kids are into. Consider this a written invitation.

Caption contest winner #3

2006-01-02T20:09:00.000-05:00

It's my creative, witty mother, the lady that calls herself - mom.

"Seniors Hide Grins After Denture Bandit Strikes Again at Local Nursing Home."

I bet she's thinking nursing homes are full of hot dudes now.

Anyway, let's all give her a big round of applause.

And by the way, DCver actually had it right. This was a picture of a 'Santa School'. These guys were watching a professional Santa in action with real kids, and the newspapers were provided so that the kids didn't get freaked out.

Oh, one more thing, I'll update the sidebar when I have less life going on. Don't worry mom, you'll get your props.

One hot mama

2005-12-31T19:22:00.000-05:00

You're doing all you can
to get in them old jeans
You want that body back
you had at seventeen
Well baby don't get down
don't you worry about a thing
The way you fill 'em out
hey that's alright with me
I don't want the girl you used to be,
and if you ain't noticed,the kids are fast asleep and you're...

One hot mama, You turn me on,
let's turn it up and turn this room into a saunaOne hot mama, whattdya say babe,
you wanna?

.
.
.

I know sometimes you think
that all you really are
Is the woman with the kids
the groceries and the car
And you worry about your hips
and you worry about your age
Meanwhile I'm trying to catch
the breath you take away
And believe me you still do
girl all I see, when I look at you is...

One hot mama, you turn me on
let's turn it up and turn this room into a sauna
One hot mama, whattdya say babe,You wanna?

Chilldaddy's got himself...
One hot mama, you turn me on
let's turn it up and turn this room into a sauna
One hot mama, whattdya say babe, You wanna?

Today is the tenth anniversery of our first date. I wish I knew who performs this song so I could give them proper credit, but it perfectly describes the way I feel about Cindy. It's not the most ramantic song in the world, but it's exactly how I feel about her.

I'm madly in love her.

She feels self-conscious about how she's aging and changing shape, but I don't want a twenty-two year old girl anymore. I want a mature, experienced woman who knows how to treat a man. I want this woman, the woman I married, the woman I have a bunch of screaming kids with. And I don't think anybody who sees this post would disagree that she is just flat-out, drop-dead gorgeous.

I love you Cindy, totally, happy ten years.

Chilldaddy has problems

2005-12-31T14:26:00.000-05:00

The other day I started up my van, reached into my pocket to get my keys, and panicked because I couldn’t find them (yes, in that order). Yesterday I locked them in the truck at the mall.
A few weeks ago I was buying a gift at a Christian bookstore. As the clerk was ringing it up, I pulled out my wallet and couldn’t find my bank card. I told him to cancel the sale and was about to walk out.
“Don’t forget your card here on the counter.”
I walk through the house and lose my coffee. I blow past roads I intended to turn on. One time my glasses were found inside the sweat pants I’d been wearing that morning (how they got there is not important, suffice it to say Cindy was the one who suggested I check there.)
I’m a stickler for making sure my wallet, keys, and shoes are always in the exact same place for the simple fact that any deviation in an objects location utterly defeats me. I try to get my wife to do the same thing because she has the same problem, but, unlike me, she loses her natural ‘chill-ness’ very quickly when she can’t find something. A couple days ago she lost a $450 check – in her purse.
So…. Given the fact that we’re too young for alzheimer’s, and I don’t think we’re especially moronic, what is our problem? Anybody else suffering from a similar disease?

Caption contest #3

2005-12-23T08:10:00.000-05:00

photo by the Muskegon Chronicle

"Seniors Hide Grins After Denture Bandit Strikes Again at Local Nursing Home." Mom wins

Note: the best excuse ever for not blogging

2005-12-20T07:28:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I haven't updated in two weeks, but in my defense, on the day of December 1, I explained to all of you that I was spending most of free time in outer space with aliens and other imaginary friends.

Guess what?

IT'S DONE!

'Mythicon and the Mind Marauders', book three in the Mythicon series, is now on the shelf, and hopefully, someday soon, in the bookstores.

So back off, I was pursuing my muse.

btw, I'm well into the first chapter of book four, 'Mythicon and the Master's Tournament'.

I married an amazing artist.

2005-12-05T05:18:00.000-05:00

She apparently did this on the back of a fax cover sheet while she was on the phone with somebody. I was cleaning and saw the cover sheet and crumpled it up to throw away when I saw the words, "I love Ray" written on the back.

I said, "awwwww...."

Then I saw the artwork.

I said, "A-ha..."

Now, I'm not mocking her, but I really think it's unfair of her to hide her gift from the world, so I'm here to share it. The sketches fall into three categories, flowers, men, and mysterious doodles. You'll want to note the fellow with the small head under the daffodil(?), that's me. Here's a picture of her.

If you clicked that link, then you'll know the real reason I'm doing this. Because I love her too and want everybody to know how lucky I am to have her for a wife.

Toy packaging

2005-12-04T09:10:00.000-05:00

It's gone insane. This is a picture of four bolts and four pieces of plastic shipping/mounting thingies that restrained the little three part toy you see in the upper right of the paper.

Fifteen minutes of trying to get at, not to mention turn, these maliciously-tightened little screws and I was ready for a straight jacket. I used to think they did it to prevent people from stealing the toy, then I learned that it was also to keep the toy in it's most appealing and fun-looking position inside it's packaging. After all, who want to buy a Barbie who's doubled over as if she were heaving her guts out?

Now I'm convinced they do it as a cruel prank. If I worked in the factory where they make this toy, I'd be laughing my rear quarters off as I was tightening those screws, thinking about the poor slob trying to liberate it from the packaging as his child stands there, crying, asking "When can I have it, Daddy? What's taking so long?"

So if you buy any children's toys as Christmas presents this year, be considerate. Undo about 85% of the interior packaging before you wrap the toy, their parents will marvel at your thoughtfulness. Nowadays, they spend every post-present-unwrapping moment at birthdays and Christmas trying to get toys out of packages instead of doing what they should be doing, enjoying their child's joy. We don't want to do it again this year.

And for God's sake, if takes batteries, throw some in with it.

At the depths of Chilldaddy's psyche you'll find... children's stories

2005-12-01T05:16:00.000-05:00

Don't you just hate when people don't update their blog and then two weeks later post something like, "Oh I've just been sooo busy, but I have all this 'blogguilt', so I'm updating to let all of you know that I'm really sorry that my life is action-packed and all you pale, lame, cyber junkies don't have anything new to learn about me." (scroll down past the pretty pictures)

I, on the other hand, have a perfectly good excuse, and, it doesn't demean any of you, my wonderful blogging friends. I know you all have lives, probably very good ones, and they're only enriched by your blogging experiences.

I've been spending all of my free time lately with these guys, they are the heroes, villians, and random passersby that populate the artificial worlds of my imagination.

So, yes, instead of writing on my blog, I've been writing in spiral bound notebooks, chronicling the adventures of Starship Mythicon and it's group of misfit stowaways. That's all I'll tell you because it'd really suck if somebody stole my story and published it before me. (It's juvenile science fiction, chapter books) I've been writing them for a couple years, and I'm halfway through the third book. Recently I've been on a hot streak, I've written 150 pages in a little over two weeks - and I've done it all on my breaks at work, waiting in the parking lot for Cindy to get out of work, after the kids go to bed, and when I first get up.

I could do soooo much more if I didn't have that pesky job to go to.

So yeah, like, if any of you are like, publishers or something, could you um, maybe, like, give me some sort of huge cash advance so I can, you know, quit my job and stay home, and like write a novel a month? (I'm not kidding, I could do that easily if I had eight hours a day to write).

Anyhow, if you don't hear from me again for a while, that's where I'll be, cruising the stars in the galactic hub on board the fantastic Starship Mythicon, sipping some sort of alien, non-alcoholic beverage (cuz there's kids around), through a futuristic device that teleports the liquid from the container to my mouth. Ahhhhhh........

I'm with the band

2005-11-16T20:16:00.000-05:00

Brian and I have been playing together since I was sixteen or seventeen, that's half my life. We're not that great, but about ten of the songs we've written in all these years are actually worth listening to. So next month, we're going to a proffessional recording studio to lay them down proper. Don't expect to see us on VH1 or even in a local bar, 'rock star' is not in our collective career paths. But, if you like the sweet, natural sounds of acoustic bass and guitar, coupled with gritty, rumbling vocals and cunning lyrics, we'll sell you a copy of our CD at cost. Or... if that doesn't work -- we'll pay you to take one.

Cindy hates our name, she says all she can think of is chewing gum, but we've gone by 'Wintergreen' for at least ten years (the first band we were in together was called 'Metal Shop', circa 1987). We're not seriously considering changing now, but just for kicks, tell me what you think of any of the following: 'Wintergray', 'Winterscum', 'Winter Warriors', or 'Holy Crap it's Winter Already'.

Nooo waaaay. . .

2005-11-16T14:37:00.000-05:00

I stole these from somebody elses blog because some of them AMAZED the crap out of me. And since I found it on the internet, every word must be true.

DID YOU KNOW..........
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
• The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
• The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.
• The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
• Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
• The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
• Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
• Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
• Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
• Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
• All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
• Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
• The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
• Pearls melt in vinegar.
• Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
• The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
• A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
• Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson Clinton!

More non-narcissism

2005-11-16T14:11:00.000-05:00

I'm doing this because I like talking about me. Leave a comment if you want to talk about me too.

Actually my sister did it on her blog, Junk from Jamie, and I admire her greatly. Is that a good enough reason? I'm still on a "gee, I hope I'm not egotistical" kick.

1. First name: --Chilldaddy
2. Do you flirt? --I am totally appropriate with members of the opposite sex at all times (my wife is a very jealous and homocidal woman)
3. Do you wish on stars? --pssh, no
4. When did you last cry? --when Bongo-Ben died
5. Do you like your handwriting? -- yeah, it's all cool and sloppy, like I try to be
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? --smoked turkey
7. What is your most embarrassing CD? -- Veggie Tales, they make me laugh
8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? --yes, but I wouldn't be able to be around me for long periods of time
9. Do you have a journal? --no, probably never will, probably will always wish I had
10. Do you use sarcasm a lot? --I don't think so, do I?
11. What are your nicknames? --"Pastor", "Duece Daddy", "Ratchet Ray" (when I wrestled)
12. Would you bungee jump? --nope, not cuz I'm a wimp, though - cuz I'm too cool to express emotions like 'thrill'.
13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? --I avoid that at all costs
14. Do you think that you are strong? --compared to women and children, I won't armwrestle other men
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? --mint chocolate chip and moosetracks
16. Shoe Size? --9 1/2
17. Red or pink? --neither, gray, brown or green
18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? --my passivity
19. Who do you miss most? --army buddies and Bongo Ben
20. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? --blue. (I'm wearing hospital scrubs at the moment)

For all of you who refused to post pictures of yourselves on your blog, here's a little easier challenge: post your answers to this quizz.

I showed you mine...

2005-11-10T09:03:00.000-05:00

I have a question; why don't the cool bloggers use pictures of themselves in their profiles or anywhere on their page? Is it for security or privacy or some fear that nobody will read your blog if they know what you look like?

I guess it's just another example of how nerds like me are forced to sit outside the circle and wonder what the cool people are doing and why they're doing it. See, that's my real fear. Since I use my own likeness, am I perceived as 'uncool' or 'egotistical' or something? (I did get a 70% for narcissism on that personality profile down the page)

That's what I love about blogging, though, everbody is free to be who they are on their own blog. So if I am an 'uncool narcissist', that's okay. Right?

I still wonder what everbody looks like, though, please consider posting one little picture of yourselves on your blogs, for me, your bud, lil' ol' Chilldaddy. If not, please comment and leave me a valid excuse (as defined by your high school algebra teacher) why you won't.

Come on bloggers, this is a challenge.

mrs. chilldaddy's personality profile

2005-11-07T18:01:00.000-05:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		53%
Stability		56%
Orderliness		30%
Accommodation		76%
Interdependence		43%
Intellectual		16%
Mystical		36%
Artistic		23%
Religious		90%
Hedonism		50%
Materialism		30%
Narcissism		43%
Adventurousness		56%
Work ethic		23%
Self absorbed		23%
Conflict seeking		30%
Need to dominate		30%

Romantic		56%
Avoidant		10%
Anti-authority		50%
Wealth		10%
Dependency		23%
Change averse		43%
Cautiousness		43%
Individuality		43%
Sexuality		90%
Peter pan complex		43%
Physical security		90%
Physical Fitness		77%
Histrionic		43%
Paranoia		16%
Vanity		50%
Hypersensitivity		50%
Female cliche		70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.

trait snapshot:
messy, disorganized, not rule conscious, rebellious, rash, weird, ambivalent about chaos, likes bizarre things, anti-authority, not good at saving money, not a perfectionist, leaves many things unfinished, low self control, strange, desires more attention, romantic daydreamer, abstract, impractical, unproductive, leisurely, likes the unknown

Dave Ramsey says if two people that are just alike get married,

one of them is not neccessary. I wonder who he might be?